IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Some people believe that it is wrong to keep animals in zoo. While others think that zoos are both entertaining and ecologically important. Discuss both views

#people #animals #zoo #zoos
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Keeping
animals
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 in
zoos
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 has been considered
as
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apply
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wrong by many people,
however
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, others believe that
zoos
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 are fun and significant for
environment
Correct article usage
the environment
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.
This
Linking Words
 essay is going to look into both these views. For a long time,
zoos
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 have played a significant role in entertainment and have provided a lot of activities for kids and adults all over the world.
However
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, the conditions provided for
animals
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 kept in cages have always caused opposition and negativity towards
zoos
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. It is believed that
animals
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 deprived
from
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of
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 their natural habitat suffer a lot in those conditions, and
this
Linking Words
 is absolutely cruel to cause that suffering just
of
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out of
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 pure seek for fun and excitement. Yet,
do
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apply
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many people find zoo facilities environmentally important as creatures kept there are often those that would hardly survive without any human help.
Besides
Linking Words
, organizations that keep
animals
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 inside the protected area provide educational value to kids and teens allowing them to get to know more
the
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about the
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 fauna of natural zones other than the ones of their own. Both supporters and opposers of restricted habitats for
animals
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 have their fair points. Though arguments against the existence of
zoos
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 far outweigh the positive outcomes they bring
upon
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apply
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,
animal keeping
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animal-keeping
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 facilities have been and will still be quite a popular entertainment for humankind.
Submitted by lenanef on

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Task Achievement
Your essay introduces the topic clearly and provides points supporting both views, which is good. However, expanding the points with more detailed explanations and specific examples would strengthen your arguments further.
Coherence and Cohesion
Try to develop each paragraph more fully to ensure your points are clearly conveyed. Using more complex sentence structures and a variety of linking devices will help to enhance coherence and cohesion.
Task Achievement
Good attempt in presenting a balanced view of both sides of the argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are present, providing a clear frame for your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • infringe
  • natural habitats
  • psychological well-being
  • stress and boredom
  • educational experiences
  • wildlife conservation
  • breeding programs
  • endangered species
  • ethical cost
  • virtual reality
  • nature documentaries
  • economic considerations
  • generate income
  • tourism
  • conservation efforts
  • funds
What to do next:
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