IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

It is now possible for scientist and tourist to travel to remote natural environment, such as the south pole. Do the adventages of this development outweigh disadvantages?

#scientist #tourist #travel #environment #pole #adventages #development
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Nowadays, there is a possibility for scientists and
tourists
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 to travel to distant
nature
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natural
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areas
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such
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 as the South Pole.
Although
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this
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 development provides
advantages
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such
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 as identifying different organisms, I believe that there are more
disadvantages
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 as
this
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 causes pollution in these
areas
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.
This
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 essay will examine both the
advantages
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 and
disadvantages
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 will justify my perspective. There are several
advantages
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 to visiting remote
areas
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.
Firstly
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, scientists can conduct various types of research to find out the living organisms in these natural habitats.
For example
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, research conducted by Russian scientists at the South Pole, they have identified an amphibia that can live on both land and water.
Moreover
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,
tourists
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 are able to experience the untouched beauty of these
areas
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 because most people do not prefer to travel
due to
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 extreme weather conditions.
However
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, I believe that these
advantages
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 do not have a significant value as compared
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to its
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its
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 drawbacks.
On the other hand
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, when people travel to these hidden
areas
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, it is inevitable to prevent pollution. Most
tourists
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 may practice hunting or removing species from
this
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 area will damage to balance of the ecosystem.
For instance
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, a survey conducted by the National Journal of Animal Kingdom, UK, revealed that the South Pole area has accumulated a lot of plastics because the
tourists
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 dump those into seawater. So, I believe that the
disadvantages
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 of people travelling to remote natural
areas
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 far outnumber the
advantages
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. In conclusion,
although
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 travelling to distant
areas
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 gives the opportunity to identify various species, water pollution should be considered. I believe the associated
disadvantages
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are outweigh
Change the verb form
outweigh
show examples
 the
advantages
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.
Submitted by surangaprasad90 on

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coherence cohesion
Consider improving logical flow by ensuring ideas are linked more effectively between paragraphs. Using transition words can help achieve smoother transitions.
task achievement
Try to explore more ideas and perspective on both advantages and disadvantages to create a comprehensive response and delve deeper into the issue.
task achievement
Include more supporting details for your points to enhance clarity and strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure, with an introduction, body paragraphs examining both advantages and disadvantages, and a conclusion summing up the viewpoint.
task achievement
The task response effectively addresses the main question, weighing both the advantages and disadvantages as required.
task achievement
Good use of specific examples enhances the explanation, particularly in the mention of Russian scientists identifying new species.
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