There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
It is becoming relevant that young
people
tend to receive more and more pressure in their academic responsibilities. Use synonyms
Along with
Linking Words
this
pressure, there is a rise of arguments that academic approaches should be dominant over non-academic Linking Words
courses
, Use synonyms
such
as physical education and cookery. Linking Words
This
essay will disagree with Linking Words
such
arguments and outline the reasons to support the stance.
Elective Linking Words
courses
play a vital role in balancing the dynamics of young Use synonyms
people
's academic journeys. An academic institution should not only have the capability to develop someone's apprehension in fixed knowledge but Use synonyms
also
provide other aspects of development, like promoting healthy lifestyles. Linking Words
Courses
like physical education are as important as maths and sciences in terms of how it benefits a person to carry on their everyday life. With Use synonyms
this
in mind, removing those aspects of development in the school syllabus is simply taking away the opportunity to prepare young Linking Words
people
to live a better life.
Use synonyms
Moreover
, in Linking Words
this
day and age, Linking Words
people
can have fulfilling lives without solely following a fixed curriculum. Other interests can be pursued through these elective Use synonyms
courses
, like cookery, woodwork, and ceramics. Young Use synonyms
people
should be introduced to these skills to pave their way to a more specialised field later on. Through Use synonyms
this
effort, they can achieve fruitful results that stem from personal interests.
To summarise, I personally have a complete disagreement with the suggestion of removing non-academic modules from the school syllabus. Linking Words
This
action would prevent students from developing other relevant and everyday skills when in reality they can result in fulfilling individual lives.Linking Words
Submitted by nientjeninan on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
coherence cohesion
While your essay presents a logical structure, there is room for improvement. Consider providing clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to guide the reader through your argument more effectively. Ensure each paragraph focuses on a singular idea or argument and transitions between paragraphs can be smoother and more explicitly stated for better flow of ideas.
task achievement
Your response to the task prompt is adequate, but it could be improved. You need to provide more detailed development of your ideas. Your argument would benefit from including specific examples to substantiate your points, further discussion, comparison, or commentary on the significance of non-academic subjects in the curriculum. Also, strive to directly address the prompt throughout the essay by reiterating how your arguments relate back to the question of academic pressure.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?