There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
It is becoming relevant that young
people
tend to receive more and more pressure in their academic responsibilities. Along with
this
pressure, there is a rise of arguments that academic approaches should be dominant over non-academic courses
, such
as physical education and cookery. This
essay will disagree with such
arguments and outline the reasons to support the stance.
Elective courses
play a vital role in balancing the dynamics of young people
's academic journeys. An academic institution should not only have the capability to develop someone's apprehension in fixed knowledge but also
provide other aspects of development, like promoting healthy lifestyles. Courses
like physical education are as important as maths and sciences in terms of how it benefits a person to carry on their everyday life. With this
in mind, removing those aspects of development in the school syllabus is simply taking away the opportunity to prepare young people
to live a better life.
Moreover
, in this
day and age, people
can have fulfilling lives without solely following a fixed curriculum. Other interests can be pursued through these elective courses
, like cookery, woodwork, and ceramics. Young people
should be introduced to these skills to pave their way to a more specialised field later on. Through this
effort, they can achieve fruitful results that stem from personal interests.
To summarise, I personally have a complete disagreement with the suggestion of removing non-academic modules from the school syllabus. This
action would prevent students from developing other relevant and everyday skills when in reality they can result in fulfilling individual lives.Submitted by nientjeninan on
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coherence cohesion
While your essay presents a logical structure, there is room for improvement. Consider providing clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to guide the reader through your argument more effectively. Ensure each paragraph focuses on a singular idea or argument and transitions between paragraphs can be smoother and more explicitly stated for better flow of ideas.
task achievement
Your response to the task prompt is adequate, but it could be improved. You need to provide more detailed development of your ideas. Your argument would benefit from including specific examples to substantiate your points, further discussion, comparison, or commentary on the significance of non-academic subjects in the curriculum. Also, strive to directly address the prompt throughout the essay by reiterating how your arguments relate back to the question of academic pressure.
Your opinion
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Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?
