There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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It is becoming relevant that young

people

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tend to receive more and more pressure in their academic responsibilities.

Along with

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this

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pressure, there is a rise of arguments that academic approaches should be dominant over non-academic

courses

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such

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as physical education and cookery.

This

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essay will disagree with

such

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arguments and outline the reasons to support the stance. Elective

courses

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play a vital role in balancing the dynamics of young

people

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's academic journeys. An academic institution should not only have the capability to develop someone's apprehension in fixed knowledge but

also

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provide other aspects of development, like promoting healthy lifestyles.

Courses

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like physical education are as important as maths and sciences in terms of how it benefits a person to carry on their everyday life. With

this

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in mind, removing those aspects of development in the school syllabus is simply taking away the opportunity to prepare young

people

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to live a better life.

Moreover

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, in

this

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day and age,

people

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can have fulfilling lives without solely following a fixed curriculum. Other interests can be pursued through these elective

courses

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, like cookery, woodwork, and ceramics. Young

people

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should be introduced to these skills to pave their way to a more specialised field later on. Through

this

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effort, they can achieve fruitful results that stem from personal interests. To summarise, I personally have a complete disagreement with the suggestion of removing non-academic modules from the school syllabus.

This

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action would prevent students from developing other relevant and everyday skills when in reality they can result in fulfilling individual lives.

nientjeninanWed Jan 03 2024

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coherence cohesion

While your essay presents a logical structure, there is room for improvement. Consider providing clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to guide the reader through your argument more effectively. Ensure each paragraph focuses on a singular idea or argument and transitions between paragraphs can be smoother and more explicitly stated for better flow of ideas.

task achievement

Your response to the task prompt is adequate, but it could be improved. You need to provide more detailed development of your ideas. Your argument would benefit from including specific examples to substantiate your points, further discussion, comparison, or commentary on the significance of non-academic subjects in the curriculum. Also, strive to directly address the prompt throughout the essay by reiterating how your arguments relate back to the question of academic pressure.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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5
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

257 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

pressure
succeed
academically
non-academic
physical education
cookery
school syllabus
concentrate
academic work
well-rounded
enhancement
practical skills
balanced education system

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Your opinion

Nowadays , there is more and more competiton for getting university . Is this positive or negative development ?

in some cities, people are choosing cars instead of bicycles, while in other cities riding bikes is which development do you think is better?replacing cars. why is this the case?

Building underground transport systems (subways) is the best way to deal with traffic problems in cities.

The best way for a government to prepare for the future is to invest in young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?