IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

ome children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

#ome #children #hours #smartphones #case #development
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays
children
Use synonyms
 spend much
time
Use synonyms
 using their cutting-edge smartphones for various reasons. From my point of view, it is a negative case and might lead to damaging consequences. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, reasons for
this
Linking Words
 growing trend and its drawbacks will be explored. It is undeniable that state-of-the-art phones offer some amazing
games
Use synonyms
 to attract
children
Use synonyms
.
Children
Use synonyms
 are exposed to numerous
games
Use synonyms
 that they lose track of
time
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 playing.
Also
Linking Words
, there are not enough infrastructures for
children
Use synonyms
 to play physical
games
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, it is stated that
children
Use synonyms
 in bustling cities suffer from a lack of appropriate playgrounds or sports facilities. So, they do not have a choice but to utilize their phones.,
Additionally
Linking Words
, parents do not allow
children
Use synonyms
 to go out for their safety because the authorities have not considered security measures in some neighbourhoods.
however
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon might have devasting effects on
children
Use synonyms
. First of all, it can result in losing communication skills. When
children
Use synonyms
 spend the whole day playing with cell phones, they do not talk with their parents or friends.
Therefore
Linking Words
, they will not be into socializing with other people in the future.
For instance
Linking Words
, it was written in a well-known psychological book that most of those who used to have an isolated life in their childhoods, could not make a good relationship with their spouses.
In addition
Linking Words
, spending too much
time
Use synonyms
 playing online
games
Use synonyms
 leads to some mental and physical problems
such
Linking Words
 as depression, stress, eyesight, and obesity.
This
Linking Words
 is because of a lack of physical activity. In conclusion,
children
Use synonyms
 tend to spend much
time
Use synonyms
 on their smartphones
due to
Linking Words
 their attractions, lack of facilities, and security. Unfortunately, that can destroy
children
Use synonyms
’s communication skills and lead to some diseases like overweight and anxiety.
Submitted by TUTOO on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Enhance your arguments by providing more specific examples and evidence to support your points. This will help make your essay more persuasive and grounded.
task achievement
Aim for a more diverse use of vocabulary and sentence structures to better convey your thoughts and maintain the reader's interest.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical flow between paragraphs and within paragraphs to make your ideas connect more seamlessly.
coherence cohesion
Ensure consistency in using capital letters, especially at the beginning of sentences or for proper nouns.
task achievement
The essay directly addresses the topic and provides clear reasons and consequences, demonstrating a strong understanding of the subject matter.
coherence cohesion
The structure of the essay is clear, with an introduction and conclusion, and each paragraph addresses distinct points.
task achievement
The essay includes relevant points about the negative effects of excessive smartphone use, such as deteriorating communication skills and health issues.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: