Some parents believe that their children should do educational activities during their free time. Others say that in this way children are under pressure. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Certain caregivers are of the opinion that their children ought to spend the majority of their spare time participating in extra classes,
whereas
others suggest that
this
puts youngsters under unnecessary stress. The writer of
this
essay strongly agrees with the latter statement, that an overemphasis on learning often results in excessive levels of mental pressure. Perhaps the most compelling argument is the increase in mental health issues among young people. A survey by the WHO showed that 75% of long-term mental fitness issues
such
as depression and anxiety start before the age of 16 years old and that the number of young people suffering from
such
problems has increased 4-fold in the past 30 years. There is a clear correlation between parental expectations of their child’s scholarly and the well-being of the child. A clear example of how schooling can influence
this
is a 2018 study in Ireland, which highlighted that 60% of respondents stated that academic pressure was the top reason for their depression. There is,
however
, a group of parents who would disagree with
this
, and consider academic achievement as the primary basis of future success, and
therefore
of good mental health into adulthood.
Such
beliefs stem from the suggestion universities and ultimately have higher-paid jobs in the future. There is little research to prove those ideas, as in a UK study regarding mental health in the workplace, those in top jobs were more likely to suffer from fitness issues
such
as mental burnout. In my opinion, the ability to connect socially is a vital life skill, which ought to take precedence over extra academic study. There is no doubt that those who are successful in life have highly developed social and networking skills, which can be gained from engaging in team activities. In many developed countries, schools offer after-school clubs, many of which involve learning how to work in groups in order to problem solve, make presentations or participate in team sports. To give a specific example, studies in Europe have shown that
this
sense of social belonging helps students develop a greater sense of self-esteem, which in turn makes them more optimistic about their daytime studies.
Thus
,
while
it is undeniable that academic learning is indeed important,
such
need must not be overweighed to the detriment of the student’s mental well-being and their acquisition of skills in other developmental areas.
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coherence cohesion
Ensure consistent terminology to avoid confusion. For example, use 'mental health issues' consistently instead of switching between 'mental health issues' and 'mental fitness issues.'
task achievement
Expand on alternative viewpoints more comprehensively. It is important to explain and counter the argument before explicitly stating your opinion.
clear comprehensive ideas
Minimize minor grammatical and lexical errors that could detract from clarity, such as 'fitness issues such as mental burnout' which can be simplified to 'mental health issues such as burnout.'
supported main points
The essay provides a clear stance and supports it with relevant examples and studies, which adds credibility to the arguments.
introduction conclusion present
A well-defined introduction and conclusion are included, guiding the reader effectively through the discussion.
logical structure
Uses a range of grammar and vocabulary effectively to articulate points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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