More and more people are becoming seriously overweight. Some people suggest that the solution to this problem is to increase the price of fattening foods. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
In recent years, there have been more people becoming obese, which can be solved by boosting the
price
of food
containing fat. The writer, however
, is not convinced by this
assumption because of the unaffordable price
for the lower class and a downward trend in the financial sector of food
companies.
Initially
, it is crucial to understand that the higher the price
of food
, the more poor individuals cannot pay for a balanced diet. To explain in more detail, the poor often receive the average level of income or even a low-paid job. To a certain extent, on condition that the fattening food
became more expensive, the lower class would not consume these kinds of food
, resulting in a lack of fat in their body. For
this
reason, these individuals suffer from health issues associated with malnutrition.
Additionally
, should the government boost the cost of fattening food
, the corporation producing food
will experience a big loss. To be more specific, consumers reduce their demand for the intake of fat and spend less money on this
type of food
compared to other ones. Indeed, these companies have to fire numerous employees in order to rescue them on the market, leading to a higher rate of unemployment. Therefore
, increasing the price
of food
containing fat may detrimentally affect the communities that rely on food
production.
In conclusion, the government should not boost the price
of fatty food
due to
an expensive diet for the poor to pay for and the big loss in food
production. Hence
, the writer emphasizes that the authorities can find other solutions to alleviate this
problem instead
of increasing the cost of fattening food
.Submitted by Nghỉ hè vui vẻ cả nhà on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
Consider adding more specific examples and evidence to support your points. This can help strengthen your argument and provide a more complete response.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that all your points are clearly linked. Some parts of the essay could benefit from smoother transitions between ideas.
task achievement
Expand slightly on each main point to make your ideas clearer. More detailed explanations can help solidify your arguments.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which frames your argument effectively.
task achievement
The main points in the essay are relevant to the topic and contribute to addressing the question.
coherence cohesion
You have structured the essay logically, which makes it easy to follow your argument.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?