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Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Some people think that cities are the best places to live. Others prefer to live in a rural area. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #cities #places #area
People often believe that big
cities
 and towns are the optimal
place
Change the noun form
places
show examples
 to live,
while
 others believe that they should stay in the countryside. In
this
 essay, I will discuss both of these opinions and give my
opinion
 about them. On the one hand, many individuals have the
opinion
 that metropolitan
cities
 are the best places to live, but I have a mixed
opinion
 about it. To put it another way, there are several benefits of residing in developed towns,
such
 as a desirable lifestyle, better job opportunities, and
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
beautiful nightlife, which are not possible in small villages and towns.
According to
 a 2020 survey in India, there has been an increasing trend for people migrating from small villages of Uttar Pradesh to
devloped
Correct your spelling
developed
cities
 like Mumbai and New Delhi. On the flip side, another pivotal aspect of the
opinion
 is that others prefer to live in rural
areas
 because of their habitat.
Moreover
, residing in rural
areas
 has some restraint benefits which people often ignore.
In other words
, most of the small countryside
areas
 have fresh air, clean water and
hence
 less pollution.
For instance
, some of the retired residents of developed
cities
 often prefer to live in rural
areas
 for clean water supply and good vegetation. In conclusion,
while
cities
 offer numerous advantages
such
 as better job prospects and vibrant lifestyles, rural
areas
 provide a healthier environment with less pollution and more
tranquility
Change the spelling
tranquillity
show examples
. Both options have unique benefits that cater to different preferences and lifestyles. Personally, I believe that a balanced approach, incorporating the best of both worlds, is the most ideal living arrangement.
Submitted by brishjot999 on

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task achievement
You have addressed both sides of the argument which is great. However, your stance could be a little clearer throughout the essay rather than just in the conclusion.
task achievement
Your ideas are clear and comprehensive, though at times repetitive phrases such as 'opinion about it' could be streamlined.
task achievement
Try to avoid minor spelling mistakes like 'desirable lifestyle' and 'devloped cities'; always double-check spelling.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a good structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Well done!
coherence cohesion
The main points are supported well, but the connection between sentences can be smoothed with more transitional words or phrases.
task achievement
Your conclusion summarizes the key points effectively and presents your final opinion clearly.
task achievement
You’ve used relevant examples to support your arguments, like the survey in India and the preferences of retired residents.
coherence cohesion
Overall, your essay is easy to follow and the structure is logical.
coherence cohesion
You have successfully used an introduction and conclusion to frame your discussion.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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