Some people think competitive sport is important for a child’s education. Others think it has negative effects on children. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Many
people
are of the opinion
that competitive sport
is important for a child's education and others think that it does have negative effects on children.
Some individuals believe competitive sports to be important because they provide young
people
the ability to become competitive and also
make them take the sport
seriously. Competitive sport
helps a child gain a desire to excel in winning the sport
which proves a player to put in more effort and dedication in the game. Nevertheless
, the competition brings them down to a certain level to be serious about the sport
and they are encouraged to abide by the rules of the game and take the sport
very seriously. it builds dedication, devotion and determination.
On the other hand
, there are a lot of people
who think it has negative effects on children as there are chances they may take the competition aspect negatively and may start self-deprecating. This
may result in a very low self-confidence and may become aggressive mentally and physically. There is a possibility that the person may start disliking themselves as there is a lack of courage to accept a defeat.
In Conclusion, my opinion favours the group of people
who consider competitive sports should be a part of the education system. There should be constant communication with these children teaching them positive ways to accept defeat and that failure is just a part of one's life wherein we should pick up positive factors and learn from them.Submitted by ruchishah0 on
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task achievement
Your essay addresses both views of the topic, as well as providing your own opinion in the conclusion. However, the points could be more balanced; try to provide a similar amount of detail for both perspectives.
task achievement
Your ideas are clear, but some sentences are a bit long and can be broken down for easier readability and stronger clarity. Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea that is carried through the paragraph.
task achievement
Include more relevant and specific examples to strengthen your argument. Providing concrete evidence or real-life examples makes your points more compelling.
coherence cohesion
Your essay follows a logical structure and includes an introduction and conclusion, which is good. Additionally, consider enhancing paragraph transitions for smoother progression of ideas.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph effectively supports its main point with examples or evidence. This will help you present a more coherent and compelling argument.
coherence cohesion
Focus on creating more fluid transitions between sentences and paragraphs to improve the overall flow of your essay.
coherence cohesion
You have successfully included an introduction and a conclusion, which helps in framing the essay well.
task achievement
Your essay provides a balanced view by discussing both sides of the argument, which is excellent for task achievement.
task achievement
The essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the topic and generally presents ideas clearly.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.