IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

A person’s worth nowadays seems to be judged according to social status and material possessions. Old-fashioned values, such as honour, kindness and trust, no longer seem important. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

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Given the power and influence of the
super rich
Correct your spelling
super-rich
, it might seem as if social status and material possessions are the new symbols of personal worth, but in everyday
life
Add a comma
life,
show examples
 I do not think
this
Linking Words
 is true. It is apparent that most celebrities today are admired or envied solely for their material wealth or position in various social hierarchies. Many of these people are known to turn their backs on friends, cheat on their spouses or spend their evenings over-indulging in alcohol and/or drugs. Things like owning a mansion, driving an expensive car and getting into A-list parties are exalted above old-fashioned values. Ultimately, though, it is the many readers of gossip magazines and celebrity blogs who reinforce these ideas.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, I do believe that in their day-to-day
lives
Add a comma
lives,
show examples
 most people still believe in values
such
Linking Words
 as honour, kindness and trust. In some
way
Add a comma
way,
show examples
 most of us want to form loving families, raise our children to be good citizens, stand up for the downtrodden and protect our communities from harm. We still form friendships, romances and business partnerships based on old-fashioned criteria. When our trust is abused or we are unfairly treated, we see that as a major violation of our relationship and we judge the wrongdoer
accordingly
Linking Words
. In conclusion, I believe there is some truth to the notion that status and possessions have superseded old-fashioned values as a measure of a person’s worth. Looking beyond the tabloids,
however
Linking Words
, it is apparent that most ordinary people have still preserved an old-fashioned conscience.

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Task response
Your view is clear: you partly disagree with the claim. However, the final line says there is some truth that old values have been replaced, while the body says most people still keep them. Make your view fully clear and keep it the same from the start to the end. The first body paragraph is strong, but it is mainly about famous people. Add one clear real-life example about normal people, such as work, family, or school. Also explain more clearly why status and money do not show a person’s true worth.
Task response
You answer both sides of the question and give good support. To reach a higher score, avoid broad claims such as “most celebrities” and “most people” unless you explain them. A short, clear example would make each main idea stronger.
Coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear order: opening view, one side, the other side, and a conclusion. The link words “Nevertheless,” “Ultimately,” and “In conclusion” are used well. Each paragraph has one main focus.
Coherence and cohesion
The link between the first and second body paragraphs could be clearer. Say directly that public figures may value money, but this does not show how most people live. The conclusion should also match the main view more closely. Avoid putting too many ideas into one sentence.
Task response
You give a clear position in the opening: money and status may seem important, but they do not show the worth of most people.
Task response
You discuss both modern signs of success and older values such as honour, kindness, and trust.
Task response
Your examples about family, children, friendship, and trust are relevant to the topic.
Coherence and cohesion
The four-paragraph structure is easy to follow.
Coherence and cohesion
The contrast between celebrities and ordinary people gives the essay a clear line of thought.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Social status
  • Material possessions
  • Old-fashioned values
  • Honour
  • Kindness
  • Trust
  • Judged
  • Importance
  • Traditional
  • Reflection
  • Achievements
  • Hard work
  • Disregarded
  • Well-balanced
  • Meaningful
  • Cultural norms
  • Societal norms
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