Some school leavers go traveling or work for a period of time instead of going directly to university. Do you think this has more advantages, or disadvantages on their study？
Now a days
, children have versatile Correct the word
Nowadays
opportunities
to opt after
schooling. I think Change preposition
for after
young
Add an article
the young
one
who Fix the agreement mistake
ones
completed
their schooling and take a break for some period have more advantages rather than Wrong verb form
complete
its
drawbacks. In Correct pronoun usage
apply
this
essay
I will discuss how youngsters can Add a comma
essay,
experience
new things and fresh
their Replace the word
freshen
mind
before starting their universities.
To Fix the agreement mistake
minds
beging
with, Correct your spelling
begin
Its
not vital that children Replace the word
It's
it is
must
start their higher Verb problem
apply
studies
right after completing their twelth
grade. Skipping Correct your spelling
twelfth
studies
for some time and invest
that time to explore and experiment Wrong verb form
investing
new
things Change preposition
with new
while
working for short periods can help them to gain real life
Add a hyphen
real-life
experience
in workplace
Correct article usage
the workplace
consequently
their skills like how to be Correct word choice
and consequently
discpline
and behave, punctual, how to deal or tackle the situations alone or with help of teamwork, Correct your spelling
discipline
disciplined
problem solving
skills. Add a hyphen
problem-solving
In addition
, they can get chance
to improve their practical knowledge about their Correct article usage
a chance
studies
in working place
and they can use Correct your spelling
workplace
in
Correct pronoun usage
it in
further
studies
in a
excellent way Change the article
an
instead
they are learing
or Correct your spelling
learning
readingthat
stuff in the universities. Correct your spelling
reading
For example
, if a student is working in bank
as a Add an article
a bank
volunter
after completion of schooling, he/she can learn and understand the terms and how to deal with clients, accounts and data that he/she needs in Correct your spelling
volunteer
further
studies
to prepare banking exams, CA studies
and so on.
Further more
, exploring Correct your spelling
Furthermore
the
Correct article usage
apply
diffrent ciies
or countries would be Correct your spelling
different cities
proved
an amazing option right after their Verb problem
apply
studies
which means they can get multiple opportunities
to experience
the
new learning for their Correct article usage
apply
carrier
. They can explore more Correct your spelling
career
opportunities
for future
what they can do or not, where they should invest their time and money and what they want to do, they can explore their taste and interests.Correct article usage
the future
Apart from
this
, travelling can help them to freshen up their minds and preparing
them for new journies. Where they can Wrong verb form
prepare
rejuvinate
their mind and begin their higher Correct your spelling
rejuvenate
studies
with fresh
Add an article
a fresh
mind
.
Fix the agreement mistake
minds
To conclude
, I think the
it is necessary to travel the world or to do a job in Remove the article
apply
practical
field can improve their Correct article usage
a practical
knowlede
and Correct your spelling
knowledge
experience
new opportunities
to opt in their future. That can improve their brain functioning and amazing output in their further
in their lives.Submitted by kaur.manpreet151994 on
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coherence cohesion
Your essay would benefit from clearer paragraph division and better transitions between ideas. This would help to improve the logical structure and coherence of your writing.
task achievement
Some key points in your essay need more specific examples and details to fully support your arguments.
task achievement
Pay attention to sentence structure and grammar to enhance the clarity of your essay. Correct the run-on sentences to make your points clearer.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly states your position and outlines the main points you will discuss.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively sums up your arguments, reinforcing your viewpoint.
task achievement
You have provided some examples that relate to the advantages of taking a gap year, helping to support your points.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example