the table shows data about underground railway systems in six major cities with date opened, kilometres of route anbd passenger numbers per year in millions

the table shows data about underground railway systems in six major cities with date opened, kilometres of route anbd passenger numbers per year in millions
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The table below depicts information about underground tramways in six core cities, consisting of the opening date, distance operated, and the number of users every year. The units are years,
kilometers
Change the spelling
kilometres
show examples
, and millions, respectively.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is evident that
although
Linking Words
opened sooner than Paris and London, Tokyo's underground systems accounted for the largest quantity of passengers. Meanwhile, Kyoto and Los Angeles' formations were operated
last
Linking Words
, which showed mere customers.
Initially
Linking Words
, despite the fact that underground railway systems possessed by the London government opened in 1863 and operated around 394
kilometres
Use synonyms
, attracting only 775
million
Use synonyms
users—less than the 416
million
Use synonyms
users of Paris, which opened in 1900 and ran 199
kilometres
Use synonyms
. It can be seen that equivalent figures appeared in Tokyo's tramway, which ran 27 years earlier than Paris and operated only 155
kilometres
Use synonyms
, attracting up to 1928
million
Use synonyms
customers. Moving onto the remaining statistics, it can be observed that Washington DC's subway, established in 1976 with 45
million
Use synonyms
passengers and a 126-kilometer route,
Linking Words
whereas obtaining
Wrong verb form
obtained
show examples
triple the number of customers of Washington formation. Kyoto subway solely ran 11
kilometres
Use synonyms
and opened in 1981.
Finally
Linking Words
, after 20 years when the formation subway of DC ran, the same systems in Los Angeles were established which finished a distance of 28
kilometres
Use synonyms
and accounted for 50
million
Use synonyms
users per year.
Submitted by bsphongplg on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words kilometres, million with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: