IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

the graph below shows the hours of teaching per year done by each teacher in four different countries in 2001

the graph below shows the hours of teaching per year done by each teacher in four different countries in 2001
#hours #year #teacher #four #countries
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
the
bart
Change the capitalization
Bart
bar
show examples
 chart depicts the teaching
time
Use synonyms
 which
finished
Add a missing verb
was finished
show examples
 by
educator
Fix the agreement mistake
educators
show examples
 in different nations by 2001.
overall
Linking Words
, it is evident that
american
Change the capitalization
American
show examples
 teachers and
iceland
Change the capitalization
Iceland
show examples
 teachers spent more
time
Use synonyms
 than the
the
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
teacher
Fix the agreement mistake
teachers
show examples
 of the rest nations.
however
Linking Words
, the educator who
teach
Change the verb form
teaches
show examples
 in upper secondary
school
Use synonyms
 in
spain
Change the capitalization
Spain
show examples
, is accounted more
time
Use synonyms
 than.
initially
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
 the
teacher
Use synonyms
 who
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 in charge of lessons in
primary
Add an article
the primary
a primary
show examples
 and lower secondary
Use synonyms
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
japan
Capitalize word
Japan
show examples
 and
spain
Change the capitalization
Spain
show examples
, showed
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
equally
Change the word
equal
show examples
 figures
around
Change preposition
of around
show examples
 600
hours
Use synonyms
, the number of teaching
hours
Use synonyms
 in upper secondary
belongs
Replace the word
belonging
show examples
 to
spain
Change the capitalization
Spain
show examples
educator
Fix the agreement mistake
educators
show examples
 was more than 400
hours
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
japan
Capitalize word
Japan
show examples
. moving on to the remaining
stactistics
Correct your spelling
statistics
, it can be observed that not only the
Use synonyms
teacher
Fix the agreement mistake
teachers
show examples
 who live in
iceland
Change the capitalization
Iceland
show examples
,
spent
Wrong verb form
spend
show examples
 solely 600
hours
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 upper secondary
Use synonyms
school-less
Correct your spelling
school
show examples
 than 200
hours
Use synonyms
of usa
Correct your spelling
in the USA
, but
also
Linking Words
 less than 300 teaching
hours
Use synonyms
 which can be seen in the data on
lowe
Correct your spelling
lower
show examples
 secondary
school
Use synonyms
.
finally
Linking Words
, 1100
hours
Use synonyms
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
intend
Wrong verb form
intended
show examples
 for upper secondary
school
Use synonyms
 in
usa
Correct your spelling
the
 show the longest
time
Use synonyms
 for teaching,
however
Linking Words
, only under 800 educating
hours
Use synonyms
 for
Use synonyms
teacher
Fix the agreement mistake
teachers
show examples
 who worked in
Change the capitalization
Iceland
show examples
iceland
Correct your spelling
Iceland Lowe Secondary
show examples
lowe
Correct your spelling
lower
show examples
 secondary
school
Use synonyms
Submitted by bsphongplg on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words time, teacher, school, hours with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: