In some countries, the difference in age between parents and children is generally greater than it was in the past. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

In modern society, people tend to give
birth
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later than in the past. From my perspective, giving
birth
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late would be more beneficial than having
children
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in young age since
parents
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are more stable in their financial situation.
To begin
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with, having
children
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when
parents
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are not in their early 20s can provide their
children
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with a better environment.
This
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is mainly because
parents
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have stable careers, so they might support their
children
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more.
Therefore
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, their
kids
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might have extracurricular activities and experience different cultures through international travel with their
parents
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.
For example
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, in South Korea, people have a tendency to give
birth
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after they have job security. They take their
kids
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here and there on their school holidays, and they give their child enough academic support, which leads to better academic achievement.
Therefore
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,
children
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can feel emotional stability and live in an affluent environment
However
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, there are several merits of giving
birth
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in one's early 20s.
Firstly
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,
parents
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can give their
kids
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more valuable memories.
For example
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, young
parents
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can play longer, so their
kids
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might feel satisfied, which results in creating precious memories that give mental stability. Another example of
this
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is that
parents
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can be friends with their
kids
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. Young
parents
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often follow
trendseasily
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trends easily
, which makes their conversation between them and their
kids
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smoother. In conclusion, as compared above, I personally believe that
although
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both views have their own merits, the former far outweighs the advantages of the latter
due to
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financial stability and academic support from their
parents
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.

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task response
Answer the question more directly. Say clearly why late birth has more good points than bad points.
task response
Add one clear bad point of older parents, then show why it is less important.
task response
Develop each main idea more. Explain how money and job safety help the child in daily life.
coherence and cohesion
Use topic sentences that match the question. One body part should be about good points, and one body part should be about bad points.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas more clearly with simple words like because, so, however, and as a result.
coherence and cohesion
Be careful with pronouns and repeated ideas. Keep one main idea in each paragraph.
task response
You give a clear opinion in the introduction and conclusion.
task response
You use examples, such as South Korea and young parents being close to children.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear paragraph plan with introduction, body, body, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Most ideas follow in a logical order and are easy to follow.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • generation gap
  • intergenerational
  • fulfilling
  • complications
  • stigma
  • judgment
  • advancing age
  • life experience
  • wisdom
  • financial stability
  • opportunity
  • patience
  • maturity
  • relationships
  • communication
  • physical energy
  • social
  • learning
  • understanding
  • age difference
  • older parents
  • risk
  • challenges
  • young children
  • society
  • quality time
  • grandchildren
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