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Band 5.5

Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatment instead of visiting their usual doctor. do you think this is a positive or a negative development

#people #health #alternative #medicines #treatment #doctor #development
At present, an increasing number of
people
 attach more importance to the way
people
 improve their health problems, leading to a heated debate about whether
people
 should try alternative medicines and treatments or go to the hospital to see a regular doctor.From my perspective, visiting
doctors
 is more significant on several levels. There are two main reasons why it could be argued that visiting
doctors
 is essential. The first reason is that
doctors
 are more professional, they can base their analyses on patients’ symptoms to give more accurate analyses and prescribe the right medicine for them.
This
 facilitates the recovery of the condition. Another thing that cannot be ignored is that the medicines that
doctors
 advise patients to take are generally safe and have
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
 side effects. Even if it has,
doctors
 will tell you in advance and make sure that your body condition allows. Others,
nevertheless
, hold the opposite opinion that alternative medicines and treatment
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
also
 significant for several
reason
Change to a plural noun
reasons
show examples
.
Firstly
, some traditional ways to cure have been used for hundreds of years, there are many traditional medicine books
teach
Correct pronoun usage
that teach
show examples
people
 how to use them.
Secondly
, there are already many patients
report
Correct pronoun usage
who report
show examples
 positive experiences with these treatments. Which were diagnosed that the cure is almost impossible. Based on what has been discussed above, I can safely draw a conclusion that
while
 there are some reasons to believe that it’s a good way to use alternative cures to recover, my own view is that going to the hospital and seeing usual
doctors
 should be prioritized.
Submitted by yihualuo525 on

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task response
The essay lacks specific examples and evidence to support the main points. To improve, include concrete examples or real-life situations where visiting doctors is beneficial compared to alternative medicine.
coherence cohesion
Some sentences are too long and could be broken into shorter, more manageable sentences. This will improve readability and coherence.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion is incomplete. Ensure to summarize your main points and restate your viewpoint for a more comprehensive closure.
task response
The essay outlines clear main points and opposing opinions, showing an understanding of the topic.
task response
The writer has attempted to create a balance by presenting both sides of the argument, reflecting critical thinking.
coherence cohesion
Transitional phrases like 'firstly' and 'secondly' help in organizing the points and making the essay easier to follow.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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