IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Consumers are faced with an increasing number of advertising by competing companies. To what extent do you think consumers are affected ? What measurements can be taken to tackle the problem?

#consumers #companies #measurements
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Nowadays, too many
advertisements
 have a
negalive
Correct your spelling
negative
 effect on consumers making the right choice. No matter how much the demand for the product is high,
but
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introducing it to the public through advertising does not always lead to good results. Today we are closely connected with the internet and mass information
system
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systems
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.
Therefore
, all our whole days begin some kind of new
informations
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information
pieces of information
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 and breaking news.
Moreover
, we see
advertisements
 posted directly on every banner that surrounds us.
Also
 even when we come home with our
any
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problems
and
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we get a little nervous and bored when we see
advertisements
 and commercials
about
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apply
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it
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apply
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on TV. The advertised product does not fully meet its quality. Let's take
ordinary
Add an article
the ordinary
an ordinary
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 pill as an example. They advertise thousands of different types of common headache pills. But they never give information about
negative
Correct article usage
the negative
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 sides or who can and who cannot be affected.
As a result
, the consumer has a hard time deciding which option is best. It is good to have
a different
Correct the article-noun agreement
different advertisements
a different advertisement
show examples
advertisements
. but increasing the number of them can only work to their detriment. In my opinion, a reduction in the number of
advertisements
 will lead to a reduction in the number of substandard drugs.
As a result
, unnecessary
advertisements
 stop taking people’s time and trust. So advertisers must accept ads that meet their strict requirements and standards. only
then
 we will be able to achieve our specific goal. Everything
being
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is
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 planned and organized creates
favorable
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favourable
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 conditions for everyone. A variety of ads is good, but too much of it can be harmful to our society.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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task achievement
You effectively address the question of how consumers are affected by advertisements and suggest measures to tackle the problem. However, your response could be more comprehensive and detailed in addressing both parts of the task. Expanding on specific examples and further explaining the consequences of excessive advertising would strengthen your task response.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which is good. To improve coherence and cohesion, focus on creating a more logical structure in your paragraphs. For example, ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and progresses smoothly to the next.
coherence cohesion
You made some valid points, but they need more detailed support and explanation. For example, when discussing headache pills, providing a real-world example or more detail would strengthen your argument. Similarly, explaining how reducing the number of advertisements could lead to fewer substandard drugs would make your point more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Strive for a balance in your paragraphs. Your essay could benefit from more even development across all sections, ensuring each argument is explored fully before moving on.
coherence cohesion
Your essay includes a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps create a sense of completeness and structure.
task achievement
You have raised valid points about the negative effects of advertisements and suggested a thoughtful solution to the problem.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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