There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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This

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essay argues that, nowadays,

students

Use synonyms

are facing overwhelming obstacles to succeeding in their education.

Therefore

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, some individuals believe that it is necessary to cancel recreational curricula

such

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as life skills, cooking, and physical exercise, as these activities tend to exhaust

children

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This

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allows

students

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to focus more intently on their studies. In my opinion, I strongly disagree with

this

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idea, as I believe that extracurricular activities can improve

students

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' corporate sense and make them healthier.On the one hand, parents and teachers have a responsibility to

instill

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instil

show examples

a sense of teamwork rather than solely focusing on grades and achievements.

Therefore

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, it is the responsibility of

children

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's supervisors to encourage their

children

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to participate in sports like football, basketball, and American football, as these activities can teach them valuable teamwork skills.

For example

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, in developed countries

such

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as America, Canada, and Korea, they believe that

children

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with active lifestyles will be smarter and more proactive than

students

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who are just taking on academic subjects, especially in the future when they become adults.

On the other hand

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, a healthy lifestyle is vitally important for young people, particularly their spiritual well-being. For the student, extracurriculars are the only way to learn how to cook, tailor, and

also

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release their stress through exercise. If parents deprive their

children

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of stress release time, they will confront mental health problems.

Consequently

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, their lack of confidence led to the loss of their sunny lifestyle.In conclusion, pursuing educational success is important, but life skills and being healthy are much more important for young people.

Therefore

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, parents should supervise their

children

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living under the school's guidance.

haixiuxiaoniniSat Jun 08 2024

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task achievement

Your essay provides a clear stance on the issue and supports it with logical arguments. However, the introduction could be more concise. Consider shortening the first sentence to get straight to your main argument more quickly.

task achievement

Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that your main points are supported with specific examples. You mentioned some countries and activities but could delve deeper into specific examples or studies that support your arguments.

coherence cohesion

While the essay flows well overall, some transitions between paragraphs and ideas could be smoother. Improving these transitions will help to make your essay more cohesive.

coherence cohesion

Your conclusion effectively summarizes your argument, but it could be strengthened by reiterating the main points more clearly. This will leave a stronger final impression on the reader.

task achievement

You effectively argue against removing non-academic subjects by emphasizing the importance of teamwork, life skills, and mental health.

coherence cohesion

Your essay is well-organized, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction
Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

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7
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meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

1 paragraphs

266 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

pressure
succeed
academically
non-academic
physical education
cookery
school syllabus
concentrate
academic work
well-rounded
enhancement
practical skills
balanced education system

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Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

Although more and more people read news on the Internet, newspaper will remain the most important source of news. Do you agree or disagree?

In some countries young people are not only richer, but also safer and healthier than ever before. However, they are often less happy. What do you think are the reasons for this and what can be done to help?

Topic: The increase in the production of consumer goods results in damage to the natural environment. What are the causes of this? What can be done to solve this problem?

Plastic bags, bottles, and plastic packaging are bad for the environment. What damage does plastic do to the environment? What can be done by governments and individuals to slove this problem? Give reasons for your answer and include relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

In the past, when students did a university degree, they tended to study in their own country. Nowadays, they have more opportunities abroad. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this development?