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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Many parents are unhappy because of the increasing amount of violence in their children by computer games, TV programs, and other leisure activities. How harmful are these for children? Discuss possible solutions.

#parents #amount #violence #children #computer #games #tv #programs #leisure #activities
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In the contemporary
world
, a significant number of mothers and fathers are extremely concerned about the rising aggression among their
children
 as they are exposed to the products of the digital
world
 and other physical activities. It is my contention that excess exposure to graphic or harmful social
media
content
 will undoubtedly lead to the establishment of an unhealthy society which is full of aggressive individuals who may have the potential to harm everybody. First and foremost, the recent advancements achieved in the
world
 of technology have opened a new door to a completely new cyber
world
 that offers multifaceted activities for juveniles to squander their time. It is important to acknowledge that a great number of these online activities encompass ample
violence
 and graphic
content
 that may be harmful to young users.
For example
, young individuals who live in
this
 modern
world
 are likely to become more aggressive as they have been experiencing full
violence
 through playing horror games or streaming crime genre movies. Science signifies that kids are more vulnerable to the influence of the
content
 they consume,
therefore
,
this
 puts a heavy burden on the shoulders of kids' parents to regulate the
content
 of information that they are subjected to.
Additionally
, excessive screen time can lead to sedentary lifestyles, contributing to physical health problems
such
 as obesity. Despite these concerns, several measures can be implemented to alleviate the negative impacts of
media
violence
 on
children
.
Firstly
, parental supervision and active involvement in
children
's
media
 consumption are crucial. Parents should carefully manage the
content
 their
children
 are exposed to and take necessary actions like banning certain websites or applying internet restrictions. In conclusion,
while
 the prevalence of
violence
 in
media
 poses a significant threat to
children
's development and well-being, proactive measures can mitigate these effects.
Submitted by orkhanshamil on

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task achievement
Add more specific examples and evidence to support your arguments. For instance, statistical data, studies, or real-life instances can provide stronger support.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each main point is equally developed. The second paragraph could be expanded to better balance the argumentation.
coherence cohesion
Clear and well-structured introduction and conclusion that state and restate the main argument clearly.
task achievement
Relevant and related points are discussed, matching the task prompt.

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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