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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows the reasons why people travel to work by bicycle or by car. Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows the reasons why people travel to work by bicycle or by car. Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The pie charts illustrate several reasons why
people
Use synonyms
 choose a bicycle or car to get to
work
Use synonyms
. In general, each has five different reasons and the proportions are varied. On the one hand, about one-third of the
people
Use synonyms
 cycling to
work
Use synonyms
 are caring about health and fitness,
while
Linking Words
 another one-third are considerate of making less pollution. Only 15% of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
bike riders choose to cycle because they have no problems with parking, and 13% like to cycle as they don't have to pay for commuting devices.
Last
Linking Words
, 12% of the
people
Use synonyms
 who cycle think that cycling is faster than driving a car.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, up to 40% of the
drivers
Use synonyms
 think it is the most comfortable way to get to
work
Use synonyms
. One-fifth of the
drivers
Use synonyms
 think it is better to drive because the distance to
work
Use synonyms
 matters.
Otherwise
Linking Words
, 14% of the
drivers
Use synonyms
 consider the car to be faster than the bicycle,
while
Linking Words
 another 14% think that they need cars to bring things to
work
Use synonyms
.
Finally
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 who think driving is safer than cycling accounted for 11% of the
drivers
Use synonyms
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words people, work, drivers with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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