in many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?
The population of
eldery
Correct your spelling
elderly
people
in the world is rising recently as people
are living longer than before. This
phenomenon indeed have
both Change the verb form
has
positives
and Fix the agreement mistake
positive
negatives impact
Fix the agreement mistake
negative impacts
in
society. But Change preposition
on
this
essay will contend that on balance the advantage
of having more elderly Fix the agreement mistake
advantages
people
outweigh the negatives.
that being said that
society has more Correct word choice
apply
eldery
Correct your spelling
elderly
people
, it is because of
nowadays many Change preposition
apply
people
being
aware Wrong verb form
are
about
their Change the preposition
of
healthy
by Replace the word
health
consuming
Verb problem
eating
the
good diet and Correct article usage
a
doing work
out. Wrong verb form
working
this
healthly
lifestyle can be Correct your spelling
healthy
tought
to their children so that their Correct your spelling
taught
tough
descendant
will Fix the agreement mistake
descendants
also
have a
good health as well. As in Japan, elderly Remove the article
apply
people
still fit and take a social service job in their retire
time. It Replace the word
retirement
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
also
help
reduce Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
the
unemployment, as most of the elderly Correct article usage
apply
people
also
have already Rephrase
apply
settle
in Change the verb form
settled
financial
so that they can support their families independently. Many ageing population Change the word
financially
also
pleasure to take
care of their grandchild, it will help especially for the working Wrong verb form
taking
parent
so they don't have any Fix the agreement mistake
parents
ssues
in Correct your spelling
issues
left
their children for work.
Wrong verb form
leaving
on the other hand
, many people
think that the eldery
Correct your spelling
elderly
causes
more problems and expenses in society. Correct subject-verb agreement
cause
while
it is true that the government cost in
retirement is Change preposition
of
being increased
caused Wrong verb form
increasing
by
Change preposition
of
this
phenomenon, but
the main problem might be the abandoned elderly in public social Correct word choice
apply
home
. Strengthening law enforcement will carry out Fix the agreement mistake
homes
this
problem effectively.
It is clear that
the Correct your spelling
elderly
eldery
give challenges to the government, but the positive impact Correct your spelling
elderly
having
Change preposition
of having
elderly
around is more significant than the drawbackCorrect article usage
the elderly
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coherence cohesion
Your essay includes an introduction and conclusion, which is good, but strive for a more clear and logical structure in the body paragraphs. Make sure each paragraph has one main idea that is supported with clear examples and explanations.
task achievement
Try to enhance your argument by providing more specific and relevant examples. Avoid generalizations, and make sure to address both sides of the argument in a balanced way.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving sentence structures, ensuring each sentence flows logically into the next, and minimize grammatical errors. Read your sentences out loud to check for coherence.
task achievement
You’ve successfully identified both the advantages and disadvantages of an ageing population, which shows a good grasp of the topic.
task achievement
The essay shows your ability to discuss relevant points, such as the health and independence of elderly people and their contribution to society.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.