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Band 7.5

in many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?

#countries #people #population #governments #society
The
population
 of elderly
people
 in the world is rising as
people
 are living longer than before.
This
 phenomenon has both positive and negative impacts on society.
However
,
this
 essay will argue that the advantages of having more elderly
people
 outweigh the negatives. One significant advantage of an ageing
population
 is the promotion of a healthy lifestyle. Many elderly individuals today are aware of the importance of eating well and exercising regularly. They can pass on these habits to their children and grandchildren, fostering a healthier future generation.
For example
, in Japan, many elderly
people
 remain active and contribute to society by taking on social service roles even after retirement.
This
 not only keeps them engaged but
also
 reduces unemployment, as they are financially independent and can support their families.
Additionally
, many elderly
people
 take pleasure in looking after their grandchildren, providing essential support to working parents who might
otherwise
 struggle with childcare.
On the other hand
, some argue that an ageing
population
 presents challenges,
such
 as increased government expenses on pensions and healthcare. It is true that the cost of supporting retired individuals is rising.
Moreover
, there is the issue of elderly
people
 being abandoned in public social homes, which places a strain on social services.
However
, these problems can be mitigated by implementing stronger laws and policies to protect the elderly and ensure their well-being.
While
it is clear that
 an ageing
population
 poses certain challenges to the government, the positive impacts of having more elderly
people
 in society are more significant. The wisdom and experience they bring,
along with
 their role in promoting healthy lifestyles and supporting family structures, outweigh the financial and social challenges.
Submitted by wiworose on

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coherence cohesion
The structure of your essay is logical and easy to follow. Each paragraph presents a clear point which is both introduced and supported.
coherence cohesion
You effectively introduced the topic and concluded with a strong statement summarizing your stance, which provides a good balance to your essay.
task achievement
You've included relevant examples that help to illustrate your points, such as the reference to Japan’s elderly population. These examples add depth to your arguments.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • ageing population
  • benefits
  • disadvantages
  • advantages
  • experience
  • knowledge
  • contribution
  • economy
  • society
  • healthcare
  • youth employment
  • community
  • intergenerational support
  • volunteerism
  • mentorship
  • increased demand
  • pension costs
  • social welfare systems
  • workforce
  • productivity
  • intergenerational conflict
  • technological adaptability
  • dependency
  • effective
  • skill development
  • employment opportunities
  • intergenerational solidarity
  • communication
  • lifelong learning
  • technological literacy
  • age-friendly
  • social policies
  • infrastructure
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