Nowadays, more and more people engage in dangerous activities, such as sky diving and motorcycling. Are you in favor of them? Use examples to support your opinion.
Adventurous
activities
become more popular among many people recently, particularly after safety technology has been developed. The number of people participating in these activities
increases significantly in various countries. However
, none of these is my favourite since I still consider them as a risk to my life.
Although
participating in an adventurous activity can make you feel both excited and happy at the same time due to
the release of adrenaline and endorphins, it is still considered a risky activity since a mistake occurring while
playing those activities
can lead to death. For example
, a motorcycle rider who jumped up in the air and unexpectedly fell off broke his bones for several months and was never able to rejoin motorcycling again. The video clip was posted on YouTube. Although
his brain was protected by the high-quality helmet, his body was still made of gentle tissues which are never strong enough to overcome the strength of metals, rocks or soils once he fell off and hit those.
Besides
risks to life, most adventurous activities
consume a lot of gasoline, leading to huge amounts of carbon emissions. This
is quite not friendly to the environment. For instance
, a sky diving activity possibly requires several tonnes of petrol as it needs a plane to fly up high in the sky. Compared to general activities
such
as jogging in a park, dangerous activities
drastically consume higher amounts of fossil fuel.
In conclusion, none of the dangerous activities
is my favourite due to
their risk and energy consumption. However
, participating in these activities
is a free right to anybody.Submitted by phakawat.chu on
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coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, organize the paragraphs more logically. For example, discuss the environmental impact before the personal risk to create a smoother flow.
task achievement
Enhance the clarity of ideas by ensuring each paragraph sticks to one main point. The paragraph discussing both risks and examples could be split into two for better clarity.
task achievement
Focus on eliminating minor grammatical and lexical errors. For example, 'motorcycle' should be 'motorcyclist', and 'gentle tissues' should be 'fragile tissues'.
coherence cohesion
The essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps frame the argument well. The concluding statement acknowledges the freedom of choice, broadening the perspective.
task achievement
Well-chosen examples effectively support and illustrate the main points. The YouTube example is relevant and specific, enhancing the argument.