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Writing Samples
Band 6

The charts below give information on the ages of the populations of Yemen and Italy in 2000 and projections for 2050. Summarise the information and reporting the main features, and make comparisions where relevant.

The charts below give information on the ages of the populations of Yemen and Italy in 2000 and projections for 2050. Summarise the information and reporting the main features, and make comparisions where relevant.
#information #ages #populations #yemen #projections #summarise #features #comparisions
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The pie charts
shows
Change the verb form
show
show examples
 information about the
older's
Unnecessary verb
older
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people of
Yemen
Use synonyms
 and Italy in the year 2000
in addition
Linking Words
who
Change preposition
to who
show examples
predict
Wrong verb form
predicted
show examples
 will be in 2050.
Overall
Linking Words
. The pie charts illustrate three categories
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
ages from 0- 14
years
Use synonyms
 , 15-19
years
Use synonyms
 and over sixty
years
Use synonyms
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
in the past
sice
Correct your spelling
since
 2000s and in the future during 2050. Between
Yemen
Use synonyms
 and
Itlaly
Correct your spelling
Italy
.
It is clear that
Linking Words
 the largest number
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
205 of ages
citizens'
Change noun form
citizens
show examples
Use synonyms
Yemen
Change preposition
in Yemen
show examples
 was 15-19
years
Use synonyms
in contrast
Linking Words
 the lowest
per cent
Correct your spelling
percentage
show examples
 in 2050 of older people
whose
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
living in
Itaily
Correct your spelling
Italy
 was from zero to fourteen
years
Use synonyms
. First of all , in 2000 the ages of people
they
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 lived in
Yemen
Use synonyms
 from 0-14
years
Use synonyms
 was higher than the population will be in 2050
whereas
Linking Words
 by 2000 in
Yemen
Use synonyms
 the
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of over 60 will be increased to 5.7% in the
years
Use synonyms
 2050
furthermore
Linking Words
 the
adults's
Change the noun form
adults
show examples
 of
Yemen
Use synonyms
 was
nuder
Correct your spelling
under
show examples
 halving in 2000
while
Linking Words
 they growth to above halving in
2050s
Change the article
the 2050s
show examples
. On the
onther
Correct your spelling
other
 hand, over 60 olds of
Italy
Change noun form
Italy's
show examples
 population increased to around double
in addition
Linking Words
, from 0-14 was under
quarter
Add an article
a quarter
show examples
 in 2000
while
Linking Words
 will be decreased in 2050 to reach
nuder
Correct your spelling
under
show examples
 one of ten .
Submitted by sialamer on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "in addition, while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words yemen, years with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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