Some people say the main way to be happy in life is to have a lot of money. How might having a lot of money make people happy? What other things in life can make people happy?
Few people
thinks
that in order to be happy in life, one should have Change the verb form
think
lot
of Change the article
a lot
money
. Because with more money
indivisuals
can Correct your spelling
individuals
fulfill
their dreams and might help others by giving Change the spelling
fulfil
charity
Change preposition
to charity
and
Correct word choice
apply
as well as
donations. However
, gaining happiness in life through money
is not the only way, this
is something others might gain by loving their parents and also
by hangingout
with friends.
On Correct your spelling
hanging out
one
hand, with the help of Correct article usage
the one
Correct your spelling
assets
assests
human beings can be able to achieve their dreams which Add a comma
assests,
make
their world filled with enjoyment. In most Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
of
Change preposition
apply
the
Correct article usage
apply
cases
they dream of Add a comma
cases,
luxury
Add an article
the luxury
a luxury
apartment
to live in or perhaps Fix the agreement mistake
apartments
owing
Correct your spelling
owning
super cars
, which Correct your spelling
supercars
money
can buy easily. While
some might obtain pleasure by donating to the poor people who are in dire need of help. In order to achieve this
pleanty
of funds are required.
Correct your spelling
plenty
On the other hand
, I believe by
providing help to your parents with love and Change preposition
that
affectionate
can Replace the word
affection
also
guarantee happiness which is free of cost. In their old ages
, Fix the agreement mistake
age
specially
parents when they are not capable Replace the word
especially
to
doing their own things like eating or walking, they look Change preposition
of
upon
us for Change preposition
to
the
help. By providing assistance to them, we can feel the happiness in our hearts. Correct article usage
apply
Moreover
, spending some lesiure
time with our friends and hanging out would cost no Correct your spelling
leisure
money
but we can feel self satisfied
.
In conclusion, Add a hyphen
self-satisfied
money
can sure buy things which could make someone happy but there are alot
of things out in Correct your spelling
a lot
this
world which provides
Correct subject-verb agreement
provide
sense
of pleasure and would not cost a penny.Add an article
a sense
Submitted by hassan05.quadri on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
clarity
Try to enhance the clarity of your ideas. Some sentences are a bit unclear or awkwardly phrased, which could confuse the reader.
examples
Include more specific examples to illustrate your points. This will strengthen your arguments and make your essay more convincing.
grammar
Pay attention to grammatical accuracy and spellings. For example, 'lesiure' should be 'leisure', and 'pleanty' should be 'plenty'.
cohesion
Work on improving the flow between sentences and paragraphs. Using more connecting phrases and transitional words will help improve coherence and cohesion.
structure
Your essay contains a clear introduction and conclusion, which is excellent for maintaining structure.
response
You have addressed both parts of the question, discussing how money can bring happiness as well as other sources of happiness.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.