IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Prompt: Watching TV shows and movies about crime is becoming more and more popular. Why is this? What effects does that have on society?

#tv #movies #crime #effects #society
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The conspicuous rise of
crime
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 documents and their propagation has become more prevailing nowadays.
This
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 happened
due to
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 the rise in
crime
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 percentages.
Consequently
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, those TV shows affect the reputation and reliability of one’s areas but raise considerably one’s awareness of
such
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 incidents. I will depict why
such
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 shows become so popular and its effects.
Although
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 many factors account for
such
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 a phenomenon, one of the principal elements is economics. Inflation and economic allocation failure have caused many difficulties for households, dwindling their welfare and potentially driving them toward the criminal route.
While
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this
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 vogue increasingly prevails,
crime
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 rates have
also
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 risen which is parallel to the demands of promoting awareness from parents or
neighborhoods
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neighbourhoods
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 that are susceptible to frequent transgression.
For instance
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, various underdeveloped or developing countries
such
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 as Cuba, India, and the African continent are
rumors
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rumours
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 of sale scams
such
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 as fraudulent pricing, especially toward tourists, and deceptive law violations. Inevitably, the constant reminder of the prevailing dangers of crimes by the media could plummet the credibility of the
neighborhoods
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neighbourhoods
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 and affect the bonds toward their acquaintance and others, albeit the beneficiary could thwart those dangers.
Moreover
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, those documents, when conveyed excessively frequently to minors, could implant numerous misunderstandings about the world and even some could later involved in
such
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 detrimental activities. In conclusion, with the recent soar in
crime
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 rates, TV shows and movies concerning crimes have been a trend,
thus
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, deleteriously affecting society in various ways, from the distrustworthiness to the misinterpretation of minors in the world.
Submitted by bendy.anhle on

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task achievement
While your essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic, some arguments need to be more clearly articulated. Try to elaborate on how the TV shows raise awareness and the specific kind of awareness they promote.
task achievement
Your use of vocabulary is generally good; however, some word choices can be improved. For instance, 'rumors of sale scams' could be more accurately described as 'reports of fraudulent sales practices'.
coherence cohesion
The transition between ideas can be smoother. Make sure each paragraph naturally flows to the next. For example, the shift from economic reasons to media effects on society can be better linked.
coherence cohesion
In the second paragraph, the connection between economic hardship and the popularity of crime shows is a bit unclear. Clarify how economic conditions influence the viewership of crime-related media specifically.
introduction conclusion present
The essay starts with a clear introduction that sets up the discussion appropriately.
logical structure
Your overall structure is logical, starting with causes and moving to effects, which makes the essay easy to follow.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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