In the developed world, average life expectancy is increasing. What problems will this cause for individuals and society? Suggest some measures that could be taken to reduce the impact of aging populations.
In today’s world, many developed countries are experiencing a substantial
increase
in life’s duration and that caused a big obstacle for the government
. This
essay will illustrate major problems and possible solutions to reduce detrimental
impact Correct article usage
the detrimental
for
Change preposition
of
this
issue.
First of all, the aging
population has put a heavy burden Change the spelling
ageing
to
the authority. The older Change preposition
on
people
get, the more healthcare they need because elderly people
usually have serious disease
Fix the agreement mistake
diseases
such
as heart attack or diabetes, which require more money
in healthcare in order to face the demand
of Fix the agreement mistake
demands
aging
population. Another problem is there will be an Add an article
the aging
increase
in the proportion of retired people
claiming retirement benefits, and a big decrease in the percentage of people
who are able to work and make
benefit Verb problem
apply
to
income taxes to the country. For that reason, spending more Change preposition
from
money
on old people
and get
less Wrong verb form
getting
money
from employee
Fix the agreement mistake
employees
makes
the country’s economy being chaos.
The Verb problem
puts
government
should implement a variety of measures to deal with these problems. The first probable solution is to encourage young workers from other countries, which could help increase
the country’s income and productivity. Another measure is that the government
can increase
the age
for retirement, many countries set a standard pension at age
55, they
could extend the Correct word choice
but they
age
into
60 or 65 years since Change preposition
to
people
are still in a healthy and prime condition. Finally
, educating people
about the importance of spending money
efficiently when people
get old, by
doing Change preposition
apply
this
, they will have a certain amount of money
to take care of themselves without the need to depend on their children or the government
.
In conclusion, while
financial
impact of the Correct article usage
the financial
aging
population is huge, it can easily be resolved by taking certain measures like allowing immigrant workers and extending Change the spelling
ageing
pension
Correct article usage
the pension
age
.Submitted by weezel on
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task achievement
While your ideas are clear and you have addressed the task, try to include more specific examples or statistics to provide stronger support for your main points. This will make your arguments more convincing and grounded in reality.
overall improvement
Pay attention to minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasing, such as 'life’s duration' instead of 'life expectancy' and 'many countries set a standard pension at age 55' instead of 'many countries set the retirement age at 55'. These small changes can improve the clarity and professionalism of your writing.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion that frame your essay well, helping maintain a strong structure.
coherence cohesion
Your main points are clearly presented and logically organized, which makes the essay easy to follow.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.