In the developed world, average life expectancy is increasing. What problems will this cause for individuals and society? Suggest some measures that could be taken to reduce the impact of aging populations.

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In today’s world, many developed countries are experiencing a substantial
increase
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in life’s duration and that caused a big obstacle for the
government
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.
This
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essay will illustrate major problems and possible solutions to reduce
detrimental
Correct article usage
the detrimental

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impact
for
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of

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this
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issue. First of all, the
aging
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ageing

The spelling of aging is a non-British variant. For consistency, consider replacing it with the British English spelling.

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population has put a heavy burden
to
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on

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the authority. The older
people
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get, the more healthcare they need because elderly
people
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usually have serious
disease
Fix the agreement mistake
diseases

It seems that disease may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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such
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

as heart attack or diabetes, which require more
money
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in healthcare in order to face the
demand
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demands

It seems that demand may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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of
aging
Add an article
the aging

The noun phrase aging population seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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population. Another problem is there will be an
increase
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in the proportion of retired
people
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claiming retirement benefits, and a big decrease in the percentage of
people
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who are able to work and
make
Verb problem
apply

There may be a verb use issue here.

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benefit
to
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from

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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income taxes to the country. For that reason, spending more
money
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on old
people
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and
get
Wrong verb form
getting

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb get. Consider changing it.

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less
money
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from
employee
Fix the agreement mistake
employees

It seems that employee may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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makes
Verb problem
puts

There may be a verb use issue here.

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the country’s economy being chaos. The
government
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should implement a variety of measures to deal with these problems. The first probable solution is to encourage young workers from other countries, which could help
increase
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

the country’s income and productivity. Another measure is that the
government
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can
increase
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the
age
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for retirement, many countries set a standard pension at
age
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55,
they
Correct word choice
but they

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could extend the
age
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into
Change preposition
to

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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60 or 65 years since
people
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are still in a healthy and prime condition.
Finally
Linking Words

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, educating
people
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about the importance of spending
money
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efficiently when
people
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get old,
by
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apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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doing
this
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, they will have a certain amount of
money
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to take care of themselves without the need to depend on their children or the
government
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. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

financial
Correct article usage
the financial

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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impact of the
aging
Change the spelling
ageing

The spelling of aging is a non-British variant. For consistency, consider replacing it with the British English spelling.

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population is huge, it can easily be resolved by taking certain measures like allowing immigrant workers and extending
pension
Correct article usage
the pension

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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age
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

.

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task achievement
While your ideas are clear and you have addressed the task, try to include more specific examples or statistics to provide stronger support for your main points. This will make your arguments more convincing and grounded in reality.
overall improvement
Pay attention to minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasing, such as 'life’s duration' instead of 'life expectancy' and 'many countries set a standard pension at age 55' instead of 'many countries set the retirement age at 55'. These small changes can improve the clarity and professionalism of your writing.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion that frame your essay well, helping maintain a strong structure.
coherence cohesion
Your main points are clearly presented and logically organized, which makes the essay easy to follow.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • average life expectancy
  • developed world
  • increase
  • individuals
  • society
  • personal goals
  • ambitions
  • quality of life
  • leisure
  • recreation
  • healthcare costs
  • challenges
  • healthcare system
  • ageing population
  • shortage
  • available workers
  • economy
  • retirement planning
  • healthy lifestyles
  • investing
  • social support systems
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