Some people think it would be beneficial for school children to study international news as a school subject, while others argue it would be a waste of time. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Some
people
claim that if children study international news
at school , this
is beneficial for them , while
other group
believe that it is not necessary to know that and it can be Change the wording
groups
waste
of time. I will survey both views Correct article usage
a waste
as well as
my opinion.
To begin
with , I agree with the majority of people
that
think knowing about Correct pronoun usage
who
news
is useful for students. Because it causes
more information about everything that there is in the world. Verb problem
provides
Furthermore
, for improving
better they should learn many details about their society and all of happening in the world Change preposition
to improve
also
. according to
developing technology , students can search in news
Correct article usage
the news
for finding
the best high-paying job.Change preposition
to find
On the other
hand
they can help Add a comma
hand,
to
Change preposition
apply
another
Correct quantifier usage
other
people
in every field ,
if they have more abilities.
Remove the comma
apply
Although
there are many reasons that children should study about
international Change preposition
apply
news
, it is clear that
some people
disagree on the groud
that Correct your spelling
group
their
Correct pronoun usage
they
believes
. Correct subject-verb agreement
believe
To mention some
, Verb problem
Some
they
argue that there are many things that knowing them are not essential for students , Correct pronoun usage
apply
such
as information about lack
of a special animal in Correct article usage
the lack
another countries
. Since they must focus on their own education to progress. Replace the adjective
another country
other countries
Moreover
, some news
can have negative affects
on their minds. Correct your spelling
effects
For
example
Add a comma
example,
news
about crimes are dangerous for their health. Hence
, some psycologists
do not recommend to study about all of Correct your spelling
psychologists
news
for Add an article
the news
youngesterns
.
Correct your spelling
young women
To conclude
, As I said , for progressing
in our lives , All of us should know Change preposition
to progress
about
almost most of Change preposition
apply
news
.Add an article
the news
Therefore
, This
issue has direct
impact on our Add an article
a direct
succeed
Replace the word
success
specially
for children Replace the word
especially
,
since they have the main role in our society.Remove the comma
apply
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coherence cohesion
To improve the logical structure of your essay, consider using transition phrases to connect your ideas smoothly. For example, phrases like 'On one hand,' 'On the other hand,' and 'Moreover' can help to build logical bridges between your points.
coherence cohesion
Ensure your introduction and conclusion are clear and concise. Your essay generally has these sections, but they could be more defined. Clearly state your opinion in the introduction and summarize your main points in the conclusion.
task achievement
Support your main points with specific and relevant examples. The essay contains general statements, but adding more detailed examples will make your arguments more persuasive and comprehensive.
task achievement
Make sure you address all parts of the prompt. Your essay could benefit from a clearer and more detailed discussion of both viewpoints. Also, explicitly state your own opinion on the topic in the introduction and conclusion.
task achievement
The essay attempts to discuss both viewpoints, which shows an understanding of the task requirements.
task achievement
You have a clear position on the topic, and you try to support it with arguments.
coherence cohesion
The essay is organized into paragraphs, which helps in guiding the reader through your arguments.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example