IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 8

Most people believe that social media such as facebook and instagram negatively impact on society and individuals. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#people #media #facebook #instagram #impact #society #individuals
As the world is growing, social media has become a sensation, with numerous benefits.
However
, a huge number of civilians argue that digital platforms like Instagram and Facebook are detrimental to mankind. I completely agree with
this
 statement. One reason why
this
 statement stands true is that people are becoming subject to cyberbullying in the form of trolling. When people present themselves in front of the world through Instagram, there are thousands of derogatory remarks being passed on by netizens; relating to their height, weight, and colour.
Furthermore
, these social networking sites are filled with sadists, who try to destroy someone's mental health for fun.
This
 is leading to several tragedies taking place; some of these tragedies are horrifying. Another reason for standing with
this
 statement is that people are sabotaging their physical health because of using these addictive apps.
Although
 individuals know that these apps are taking a toll on their future, they can't resist using these sites.
In addition
 to that, their relations are deteriorating and they are being pushed away from reality into an ugly world. They are becoming atrocious, hostile, and whatnot. It feels like they are just empty from the inside. In conclusion, even though social media has some benefits, it is the main reason behind anxiety, depression, and even PTSD. I certainly believe that some strong measures should be taken to restrict some of the content available on these sites and there should be limitations on how much social media should be consumed in a day.
Submitted by tushalk329 on

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task achievement
Your essay provides a clear and complete response to the task, but try to include more specific examples and evidence to support your points. This will strengthen your argument and make it more convincing.
coherence cohesion
In terms of coherence and cohesion, your essay has a logical structure and flows well from one point to the next. However, consider using more transitional phrases to improve the flow between ideas and paragraphs even further.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps to frame your essay effectively. This is strong in helping the reader understand your position from the beginning and summarizing it at the end.
task achievement
Your essay articulates clear and comprehensive ideas, addressing the negative impacts of social media on both individuals and society.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • detrimental
  • dysfunctional
  • impede
  • adverse
  • compulsive
  • obsessive
  • inherently
  • undermine
  • vulnerable
  • censorship
  • exploitation
  • vicious cycle
  • isolation
  • fraudulent
  • dissemination
  • manipulation
  • creativity
  • engagement
  • tolerance
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