Many parents today organise extra classes for their children after school and at the weekends. Do you feel that this is a worthwhile thing to do? Or do you feel children have enough education at school? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own experience or knowledge.

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Extra

classes

Use synonyms

for children have been considered by many parents as a vital thing to do in order to help youths gain more

skills

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. In my opinion, students already had enough courses to learn and there is no need for them to join extra sessions.

Although

Linking Words

participating in many co-curricular activities may enhance adolescents' social

skills

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and bring many benefits to their health, it

also

Linking Words

causes a lot of pressure. To make it clear, compared to the

last

Linking Words

decade, teenagers nowadays have more subjects to learn and ought to master extra

skills

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such

Linking Words

as time management and self-discipline. Take an example, the invention and popularization of mobile phones have put juveniles at risk of not paying attention to their studies.

Thus

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

makes it harder to control their own behaviours and much stress may arise. My point is,

students

Correct word choice

that students

show examples

are already in a stressful and competitive social environment,

therefore

Linking Words

, additional after-school education can only bring more pressure.

Besides

Linking Words

that, sending youngsters to some extracurricular education institutions can cost a lot of money and effort. It is parents' responsibility to take their kids to schools and interest

classes

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, which may spend much time on the road and perhaps have a negative impact on the parents' work.

For instance

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, there is evidence showing that not only are after-school programs expensive, there are only a few

classes

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a week and the knowledge and

skills

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they can provide are very limited.

That is

Linking Words

to say, it is unnecessary to spend a large number of money and endeavours to let students learn superficial

skills

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To sum up

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while

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people may have varying opinions, I believe that there is no need for youths to join enrichment

classes

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because it can bring pressure and consume time and energy.

bubblehead1213Sun Jun 09 2024

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coherence cohesion

Your essay is generally well-organized, but it can benefit from more varied sentence structures to enhance readability and engagement.

coherence cohesion

Ensure that all your points are clearly linked and that transitions between paragraphs are smooth. This will help maintain a strong, coherent argument throughout the essay.

task achievement

While your essay covers most points required, incorporating a few more detailed examples can help substantiate your arguments further.

task achievement

Try to phrase some of your arguments more concisely to avoid any potential ambiguity.

coherence cohesion

Your introduction and conclusion are clear and relevant to the topic, effectively framing your arguments.

task achievement

The points you raised are relevant and well-aligned with the topic, showing a good understanding of the issue.

12
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

291 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

reinforce learning
personalized attention
student-to-teacher ratios
comprehensive coverage
academic and non-academic subjects
well-rounded development
address specific weaknesses
grade improvement
performance in exams
leisure time
burnout
educational opportunities
socio-economic disparity
over-scheduling
balanced approach
after-school programs
weekend tutoring
additional practice
constructive criticism
holistic growth

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It is generally believed that some people are born with certain talents, for instance for sports or music, and others are not. However, it is sometimes claimed that any child can be taught to become a good sports person or musician.

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