IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Influence of human beings on the world's ecosystem is leading to the extinction of many species & loss of biodioversity. What are the primary causes of loss of biodiversity? What solution can be done to to solve it?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In modern times, human beings severely affect ecosystems worldwide, making many animal species become extinct in the long run.
This
Linking Words
 increasing issue primarily stems from habitat destruction
along with
Linking Words
water
Use synonyms
 pollution, yet it can be addressed by the government implementing laws towards industrial activities. First and foremost, damaging the natural habitat of wildlife species is perceived as the initial reason for biodiversity loss. To put it simply, since urbanization
coupled with
Linking Words
 infrastructure development takes place in metropolises, it requires land expansion, including green spaces, so as to meet the populous demand.
As a result
Linking Words
, it leads to demolishing those in order for factory construction.
Therefore
Linking Words
, most animals will be likely to suffer physical and ecological challenges
due to
Linking Words
 no longer belonging to their comfortable zones as they used to before.
In addition
Linking Words
, another threat impacting on the biodiversity must be the pollutants in
water
Use synonyms
 sources.In
further
Linking Words
 detail, it is owing to manufacturing processes in industrial areas which release sewage without proper purification that the environment and sources of
water
Use synonyms
 are poisoned.
Consequently
Linking Words
, the majority of marine life will suffer serious health problems if they continue to depend on using polluted sources for daily purposes. Thereby, there is no doubt that their population rate is able to significantly decrease on account of diseases which spread to the whole group surrounding.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, the authorities can take measures to mitigate the possibility of extinction by setting strict laws for factories and enterprises. More specifically, the state ought to set a limit to the use of land
as well as
Linking Words
 a minimum pollutant level contained in wastewater after purification.
For
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 reason, were any shortcomings in radically treating pollutants or any over-extraction of natural habitat, those individuals have to receive a monetary fine and a temporary ban from going to work for a duration. Take the Vietnamese government as a prime example, which without informing, examined and found a factory skipping the sewage treatment before releasing it, which was forced to be closed down for four years and a compensation of five hundred million Vietnam dong. In conclusion, from
this
Linking Words
 writer’s perspective, the damage to living spaces
along with
Linking Words
water
Use synonyms
 pollution causes the risk of extinction among wildlife animals.
However
Linking Words
, applying regulations and penalties for those violating
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
will contribute to minimising the consequences of human activities via biodiversity.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Ensure that all claims and points made in the essay are fully supported with specific examples or further elaboration. For instance, more concrete examples of the impacts of urbanization on wildlife habitats can help strengthen the argument.
coherence cohesion
While the essay is quite cohesive and logically structured, pay attention to minor grammatical issues and sentence structures to ensure clarity. This will enhance the overall coherence and make your arguments more persuasive.
organization
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps the reader understand the main argument and the suggested solutions.
organization
The logical structure of the essay is quite strong. Each paragraph flows well into the next, and the causes and solutions are clearly delineated.
task achievement
The task is fully addressed, and there are clear, comprehensive ideas presented on the issue of biodiversity loss and potential solutions.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • 1. **Biodiversity:** The variety of plant and animal life in the world or in a particular habitat, often seen as an indicator of the health of an ecosystem.
  • 2. **Deforestation:** The action of clearing a wide area of trees, negatively impacting natural habitats.
  • 3. **Ecosystem:** A biological community of interacting organisms and their physical environment.
  • 4. **Pollution:** The presence in or introduction into the environment of a substance which has harmful or poisonous effects.
  • 5. **Climate Change:** A change in global or regional climate patterns, often referring to the rise in global temperatures from the mid-20th century onwards.
  • 6. **Overexploitation:** The excessive use of species that have economic value.
  • 7. **Invasive Species:** Non-native species that spread from the point of introduction to become naturalized and negatively impact native species and ecosystems.
  • 8. **Habitat Destruction:** The process in which natural habitat is rendered unable to support the species present.
  • 9. **Extinction:** The state or process of a species, family, or larger group being or becoming extinct.
  • 10. **Conservation:** The action of conserving something, in this case, biodiversity and ecosystems.
  • 11. **Sustainable Practices:** Methods of using resources in ways that do not deplete them or cause harm to the environment.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: