IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below give information on the ages of the populations of Yemen and Italy in 2000 and projections for 2050.

The charts below give information on the ages of the populations of Yemen and Italy in 2000 and projections for 2050.
The pie charts below provide data on the ages of Yemen’s citizens and Italy’s natives in 2000,
along with
Linking Words
 forecasts for 2050.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen from the graphs that the
number
Use synonyms
 of middle-aged Yemenis was predicted to increase the most.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the
number
Use synonyms
 of mature Italians was estimated to decrease the most. For Yemen, in 2000, the majority of the population was composed of the youngest generation. The
number
Use synonyms
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people aged 0 to 14 years old was
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
50.1
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
, the
number
Use synonyms
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
juvenile was foreseen to drop to 37
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 in 2050. For the adult Yemeni, it was 46.3
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 in 2000. It was calculated to rise
into
Change preposition
to
show examples
 57.3
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 in the next 50 years.
In addition
Linking Words
, the
number
Use synonyms
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
elder in Yemen was 3.6
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 in 2000 and it was expected to change slightly] in 2050. The prediction is only 5.7
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
. In 2000, mature Italians constituted the largest portion of the country’s population. The
number
Use synonyms
 of young citizens was 61.6
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, it was projected to decline to 46.2
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 over the next few decades. Not only was the
number
Use synonyms
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
teenagers estimated to drop
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
Linking Words
 the
number
Use synonyms
 of children. It was 14.3
percent
Use synonyms
 in 2000 but it was predicted to fall into 11.5
percent
Use synonyms
 in 2050.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the proportion of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
senior
Fix the agreement mistake
seniors
show examples
, which was 24.1
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 in 2000, was forecasted to more than double by 2050.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "on the other hand".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words number, percent with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 8 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "drop" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • age demographics
  • age structure
  • population distribution
  • youthful population
  • ageing population
  • life expectancy
  • birth rate
  • demographic shift
  • population projection
  • median age
  • dependents
  • working-age population
  • elderly dependents
  • geriatric
  • fertility rate
  • migration
  • demographic trends
  • baby boomers
  • demographic dividend
  • population pyramid
What to do next:
Look at other essays: