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Band 7

Some people say that all secondary and higher secondary school students should be taught how to manage money as it is an important skill. Do you agree or disagree with this argument?

#people #school #students #money #skill #argument
Money
management
 as a subject is equally important than any other regular subject. Students should be taught about managing
money
 during their secondary and higher secondary school. I totally agree with
this
 argument because
children
 will understand different ways of saving
money
 and planning their
future
Fix the agreement mistake
futures
show examples
 effectively. A course on
money
management
 will help a child to understand various ways of saving
money
. Most schools do not have courses on
money
management
. They only teach regular subjects like mathematics, science, history, and English.
However
, these subjects are important for their career development, but when they start earning, they get confused about how they can save
money
.
As a result
, they hire a CA to plan their investments by giving them a lot of
money
. If I share my own experience, when I started my first job, my company gave me a brochure with information on how you can start investing from your first salary. I ignored it at that time thinking, I had enough time to think about
this
 later. But now I realize how important it was to understand it at the very beginning of your career.
Apart from
this
, learning about
money
management
 in your secondary school will help you plan your future effectively.
Children
 will start saving
money
 by being more vigilant in their expenditures. They don't have to rely on their parents every time.
This
 will help them in the long run when they have their own family.
For instance
,
children
 can be taught the benefits of mutual funds for long-term investments. In conclusion, I would say that managing
money
 is an important skill which
children
 should be taught in secondary school because it will educate them on different ways of saving
money
 to plan their future effectively.
Submitted by sandeepniet17 on

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task achievement
Consider including a brief mention of potential counterarguments to enrich your discussion. This can demonstrate your ability to consider multiple viewpoints and strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Using cohesive devices more effectively can help guide the reader through your essay seamlessly.
task achievement
Your essay provides a clear and comprehensive response to the prompt, effectively arguing for the importance of teaching money management to school students.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are well-presented, making your stance clear from the beginning and summarizing your argument effectively at the end.
task achievement
You use relevant and specific examples to support your points, such as your personal experience and the suggestion about mutual funds.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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