Some people believe that unpaid community service should be compulsory part of high school programmes ( for example working for charity , improving the neighbourhood or teaching sports to younger childern ). To what extent do you agree or disagree?
It has been suggested that high
school
students
should be involved in unpaid community service as a compulsory part of high school
programmes. Most of
colleges are already providing opportunities to gain Change preposition
apply
work
experience , however
these are not compulsory . In my opinion , sending Add a comma
however,
students
Correct your spelling
to work
towork
in community services Correct your spelling
to work
Correct your spelling
is
ia
a good idea as it can provide them with many lots of valuable Correct your spelling
is
skills
life skills
are very important and by doing voluntary work
, students
can learn how to communicate with others and work
in a team but also
how to manage their time and improve their organizational skills
. Nowadays , unfortunately , teenagers do not have many after
Add a hyphen
after-school
school
activities . After-school
clubs are no longer that popular and students
mostly go home and sit in front of the TV or play video games .
By giving them compulsory work
activities with charitable or community organizations , they will be encouraged to do something more creative . Skills
gained through compulsory work
will not only be an assest
on their CV but Correct your spelling
asset
also
increase their employability . Students
will also
gain more responsibility toward work
and money as they will realise that it is not that easy to earn them and hopefully will learn to spend them in a more practical way .
Healthy life balance and exercise are strongly promoted bt
NHS , and Change preposition
by
therefore
any kind of spare time charity work
will prevent from sitting and doing nothing . it could also
possibly reduce the crime level in the high school
age group . If students
have activities to do they will not be bored and come up with silly ideas which can be dangerous for them and their surroundings
in conclusion , i
think it is Change the capitalization
I
very
good idea , and Add an article
a very
hopefully
Add a comma
hopefully,
this
programme will be put into action for high schools colleges
shortlyCorrect word choice
and colleges
Submitted by maryamansour11 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
To strengthen the task response, it's important to provide more specific examples and evidence supporting your argument. For instance, mention particular skills that students can gain from unpaid community service and how these skills translate into real-world benefits.
coherence cohesion
Ensure better logical structure by clearly delineating each paragraph's main idea. Effective topic sentences and clear transitions between paragraphs will help in achieving a more logical flow.
language
There are a few grammatical and spelling errors in the essay. Proofreading to correct typos and refine sentence structure would significantly improve the clarity of your writing.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion provide a clear overview of the topic and your stance. This offers a strong framework for your essay and gives readers a clear understanding of your main argument.
task achievement
You have solid main ideas that are relevant to the topic. The argument that community service provides life skills, responsibility, and potentially reduces crime is well articulated.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!