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Band 4.5

Us film instudry has a huge influence on people and it is the duty of government to invest in local film industry to what extent do you agree or disagree

#film #instudry #influence #people #duty #government #industry
In recent times, there
is
Wrong verb form
has been
show examples
 a dominance of American
films
 on people all around the world. Some believe that it has a negative impact on society.
However
, it is a pragmatic approach that
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 should allocate funds and subsidise local film industries to preserve and flourish native culture and tradition. Modern
films
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
made by American
studio
Fix the agreement mistake
studios
show examples
 cost an exorbitant amount of money and create motion pictures,
Although
 the majority of
population
Add an article
the population
show examples
 enjoys watching movies either
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
cinema
Correct article usage
the cinema
show examples
 or on television and
these kind
Change the determiner
this kind
these kinds
show examples
 of
films
 impart a feeling of escapism from their daily life. Another important factor is the unreal action and unique scenes which
provides
Correct subject-verb agreement
provide
show examples
 a sense of fantasy. People love to be in imaginary worlds.
For example
, Netflix represents innumerable seasons and
films
 based on fantasy and fiction. It is a better way that authorities should invest money in local
films
 and
also
 help national
film-makers
Correct your spelling
filmmakers
show examples
 ameliorate local movies and express moral values to the public.
As a result
,
increase
Correct subject-verb agreement
increases
show examples
jobs
Change the noun form
job
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 opportunities in the country and
provide
Correct subject-verb agreement
provides
show examples
visual
Add an article
a visual
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 representation of native cultures and traditions. So, for
young
Correct article usage
the young
show examples
generation
Add a comma
generation,
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 it is more convenient for them to practice real values and
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 a better understanding of
Correct article usage
the country
show examples
country
Change noun form
country's
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 history and tradition. In conclusion, American
films
 are more popular because of
it's
Correct your spelling
their
show examples
 creativity in
films
. If government subsidies
or
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
help local filmmakers to make movies on national culture and traditions
as
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
it is a valuable step toward positive change in
film
Add an article
the film
show examples
 industry.
Submitted by seharfazal9 on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay generally follows a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, you could improve the logical flow by ensuring each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Consider using more transitional phrases like 'moreover', 'consequently', and 'in addition'.
task achievement
While you presented relevant arguments, some ideas need further elaboration for clarity. For instance, explain more about how local films contribute to cultural preservation.
task achievement
To strengthen your task response, include more specific examples that demonstrate the impact of local films on society. Specific data or historical examples could enrich your essay.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which frames your essay well.
task achievement
Your essay identifies and addresses the main task of discussing the influence of American films and the need for government investment in local films.
task achievement
You provided concrete examples such as Netflix, which adds relevance and specificity to your points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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