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Band 7.5

Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification.

#university #students #subjects #addition #time #attention #qualification
People have different views about whether youngsters should dedicate all their time and effort to their field of studies or learn other extracurricular subjects. As far as I am concerned, the second group has a better point of view
due to
 the reasons which will be discussed in the following paragraphs. On the one hand, there are a set of distinct benefits to being solely specialized in one area for learners.
Firstly
, it can exert a significant effect on being more focused on gaining as much knowledge as possible. To elaborate on my point, distractions can contribute to less concentration so juveniles find it more challenging to vast their scientific horizons.
For instance
, if a medical student wants to have a profound understanding of medical articles, she should devote all her time to reading the latest research on the internet.
On the other hand
, nowadays being multi-dimensional is of paramount importance
due to
 the recent global changes in every aspect of our lives. Having a comprehensive understanding of several fields ensures a promising and rewarding career in future as the modern world has changed substantially in recent times. To cite an example, the emergence of AI has changed many jobs.
Therefore
, the future can not be predicted easily
due to
 its uncertainties. From my perspective, if you have a more diverse awareness and transferable skill set, it will guarantee you to succeed in your desired profession.
For example
, when I started my own business in newborn photography, I was forced to learn about advertising, business plans and customer service so as to accomplish my goals.
To sum up
,
while
 being fully concentrated on one subject can be beneficial in many terms, people should have a wider range of knowledge to reach their objectives rapidly owing to the latest technological changes in the globe.
Submitted by TUTOO on

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coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, but the main points could be better supported and more thoroughly developed.
task achievement
You've completed the task with clear ideas, but ensure all points directly relate to the question prompt and are fully explained.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Broaden
  • Perspectives
  • Specialize
  • Critical thinking
  • Problem-solving skills
  • Career success
  • Interdisciplinary connections
  • Structured path
  • Clear goals
  • Creativity
  • Innovation
  • Academic credibility
  • Recognition
  • Balance
  • Exploring
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