IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Influence of human beings on the world ecosystem is leading to the extinction of species and loss of biodiversity. What are the primary causes of loss of biodiversity? What solution can you suggest?

#influence #beings #world #ecosystem #extinction #species #loss #biodiversity
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There has been a controversial discussion point that humans are affecting the ecosystem around the world, resulting in several species becoming extinct. The primary causes of biodiversity loss are the overpopulation issue and the large amount of contaminants from factories, yet it can be solved by the governments in developing conservation areas. The principal cause of why people massively destroy nature is to tackle the booming population. To explain
further
Linking Words
, modern society is having too many people for the amount of space available and job opportunities.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the governments have cut down the forest not only to build more residential areas but
also
Linking Words
 for urban development
coupled with
Linking Words
 agriculture which opens numerous chances for employment.
As a result
Linking Words
, the large-scale deforestation contributes to the habitat destruction of flora and fauna. Another key reason for the loss of habitat is the industrial waste.
In other words
Linking Words
, during the manufacturing stages, factories release harmful emissions and discharge a large amount of liquid waste that contaminates water bodies
as well as
Linking Words
 disrupts the lives of marine organisms. Take Japan as a prime example, its economy is based heavily on fossil fuel which generates almost 85% of its energy consumption
due to
Linking Words
 the mass urban development.
Consequently
Linking Words
, the widespread combustion of industrial facilities is the leading driver of environmental pollution.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 problem can be tackled as the governments provide more sustainable conservation for endangered species that can mitigate the degradation of the natural ecosystem. It can be acknowledged that the endeavour of the authorities is incredibly imperative by developing and managing protected areas
such
Linking Words
 as national parks and wildlife sanctuaries providing safe havens for species
along with
Linking Words
 improving animal welfare. Henceforth, to safeguard endangered animals from becoming extinct,
this
Linking Words
 approach has a likelihood to be efficient. Taking all points into account, the detrimental effects of overpopulation and the large-scale of pollutants for manufacturing have driven the eco-system into damage which has culminated in the loss of biodiversity.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, authorities need to engage in conservation initiatives to protect the wildlife.
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task achievement
Your essay addresses the topic well and provides a comprehensive response. To make it even stronger, consider adding a few more specific examples or further elaborating on the provided examples to support your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Continuity and flow of the essay are good, but ensuring that all points are elaborated evenly would improve coherence. For example, expanding on how deforestation specifically affects different species would provide more balance.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are well-crafted, providing a clear framing for the essay.
task achievement
Main points are well-supported and logical. The connection between overpopulation and habitat destruction is particularly well-explained.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • ecosystem
  • extinction
  • biodiversity
  • deforestation
  • urbanization
  • contamination
  • overexploitation
  • global warming
  • climate change
  • non-native
  • safeguard
  • eco-friendly
  • sustainable
  • legislation
  • rehabilitation
  • endangered species
  • conservation
  • environmental impact
  • sustainability
  • biodiversity loss
  • ecological balance
  • sanctuary
  • environmental degradation
  • policy implementation
  • wildlife protection
  • ecotourism
  • biodiversity conservation
  • ecological footprint
  • sustainable development
  • pollinator decline
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