IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

We are becoming increasingly dependent on computers. They are used in business, hospitals, crime detection and even to fly planes. What things will they be used in the future? Is this dependence on computers a good thing or should we be more suspicious of their benefits.

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The tremendous advancement in technology is evident in most aspects of the human sphere, so much
that
Correct word choice
so that
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 people depend on it for running
of
Change preposition
apply
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businesses , hospitals, detection of crimes and pilotings.
Also
Linking Words
, it is believed that computers will become quite crucial in other activities
such
Linking Words
 as education and daily living in
nearby
Correct word choice
the near
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 future. In as much as many might argue that it has detrimental effects, love or loathe it, it has brought outstandingly genuine benefits to the world. I will discuss both views extensively in
this
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 essay.
To begin
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 with, there is a forecast that I.T. will take full charge
in
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of
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educational
Add an article
the educational
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 system.
That is
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, many academicians will completely depend on the use of computers for learning in schools, personal studies and solving academic assignments.
For instance
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, every child will be mandated to have a system on
desk
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the desk
a desk
show examples
 for all classes and school events.
Additionally
Linking Words
, students more often than not, will fully delve into solely utilizing the soft copy of study materials.
As a result
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, libraries will have to sort means to be equipped with computer systems rather than books, as the use of hard copies will phase out in no time.
Furthermore
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, the benefits of technology cannot be overemphasised,
hence
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 the global
completely
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complete
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 hope
on
Change preposition
for
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 it in most areas
such
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 as in businesses, health sectors, forensics etc, is justifiable as it is well deserved. To buttress
this
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, I.T. has not failed the world population, it rather presented more accurate and trustworthy outcomes through easy means.
For example
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, in
health
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the health
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 sector,
patients
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patients'
patient's
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 medical histories are successfully documented on the systems so other licensed doctors can access
these information
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this information
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 effectively,
hence
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 decreasing the rate of either iatrogenic injuries or death resulting from delayed and inadequate information
especially
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, especially
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 in emergency settings.
This
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 development in hospitals is imperative and applauded by all doctors. In conclusion, the use of laptops, gadgets, desktops, mobile phones, chips,
cctv
Correct your spelling
CCTV
 and other technologies
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 on a surge,
as well as
Linking Words
 their importance and necessity in our daily activities especially in education.
This
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 globalisation must be embraced and acknowledged without reservations or
being weary
Verb problem
fear
show examples
.

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task achievement
Your essay generally responds well to the task. However, you need to expand your discussion on the different areas where computers will be used in the future, providing more comprehensive and varied examples. Covering more dimensions of the topic will enrich your argument.
coherence and cohesion
The logical flow of your essay could be improved. Ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea and that there's a seamless transition between ideas. Use more linking words and phrases to better guide the reader through your argument. Paragraphs should be well-connected.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a strong introduction and conclusion, but the body paragraphs need development. Spend more time fleshing out each idea to ensure they are fully supported and explained. Reorganize the content to avoid introducing too many ideas in a single paragraph.
task achievement
You have addressed the main aspects of the task prompt, discussing both the potential future uses of computers and the debate over their benefits.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which help to frame the discussion effectively.
task achievement
You provide relevant examples, such as the use of computers in hospitals and education, which strengthen your argument.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Autonomous vehicles
  • Smart traffic management
  • AI (Artificial Intelligence)
  • Machine learning
  • Personalized treatment
  • Virtual classrooms
  • AI tutors
  • Smart homes
  • Energy consumption
  • Grocery shopping automation
  • Data analysis
  • Decision-making assistance
  • Efficiency
  • Mainstream adoption
  • Predictive algorithms
  • Personalization
What to do next:
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