IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people say it is OK to use animals for our benefit, others say it is not good to exploit them. Discuss both points of view and give your opinion.

#people #ok #animals #benefit #points
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The debate over the ethical use of
animals
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 for human benefit encompasses a range of perspectives rooted in cultural, philosophical, and practical considerations. Advocates for the use of
animals
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 often argue that it is justified by the significant benefits to human society. They point to advancements in medical research, where animal testing has been instrumental in developing treatments and vaccines,
thus
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 saving countless human lives.
Additionally
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,
animals
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 are integral to various industries, including agriculture, where they provide essential resources
such
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 as meat, dairy, and
labor
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labour
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.
This
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 viewpoint typically hinges on the belief that human needs and advancements take precedence, provided that the
animals
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 are treated humanely and with respect.
Conversely
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, opponents of animal exploitation contend that it is inherently unethical to use
animals
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 for human purposes. They argue that
animals
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 are sentient beings capable of experiencing pain and suffering, and
thus
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, they possess intrinsic rights that should be respected.
This
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 perspective is often informed by ethical frameworks
such
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 as utilitarianism, which emphasizes the minimization of suffering, and rights-based theories, which argue for the inherent dignity of all living creatures. Critics highlight instances of cruelty and inadequate living conditions in industries
such
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 as factory farming and animal testing, advocating for alternatives like plant-based diets and cruelty-free research methods. In my opinion,
while
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 the benefits of using
animals
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 for human purposes are undeniable, these practices must be critically examined and regulated to ensure ethical treatment. The exploitation of
animals
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 should be minimized and replaced with humane and sustainable alternatives wherever possible. Advancements in science and technology,
such
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 as in vitro testing and synthetic biology, offer promising avenues to reduce our reliance on
animals
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. Ultimately, a balanced approach that respects animal welfare
while
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 acknowledging human needs is essential for ethical progress.
Submitted by chalermchartbsc on

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task achievement
Consider adding more specific examples to strengthen your arguments, particularly in the sections discussing medical research and ethical frameworks.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that the introduction and conclusion are clearly delineated and explicitly reinforce your main points. A brief introductory and concluding sentence or two will help frame your essay better.
task achievement
You have provided a well-structured argument that addresses both viewpoints comprehensively.
coherence cohesion
Your essay flows logically from one point to the next, maintaining coherence throughout.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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