IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In the past, people used to travel abroad to look for many differences from their home country. Nowadays, cities throughout the world are becoming more and more similar. What are the reason? Do the advantages outweigh the disavantages

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It is argued that in the past many
people
Use synonyms
 used to go abroad to find many differences from their home country. Others think that cities around the world have an increasing number of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
similar.
This
Linking Words
 writer believes that the benefits of travelling abroad outweigh the drawbacks. One of the most beneficial aspects of going abroad is the memorable experience. Many
countries
Use synonyms
 have lots of tourist attractions or local foods
can
Correct pronoun usage
that can
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 be attracted by
visitor
Fix the agreement mistake
visitors
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.
Besides
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,
friendly
Correct article usage
a friendly
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 environment can make a strong
impress
Replace the word
impression
show examples
 on their feelings.
For instance
Linking Words
,
according to
Linking Words
 foreign
people
Use synonyms
, Vietnam has
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 great environment
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
why
make
Verb problem
apply
show examples
they
will
Verb problem
go
show examples
 back there if they plan a trip. Another significant advantage of travelling abroad is spread on wide range of knowledge. Some
countries
Use synonyms
 have ancient
town
Fix the agreement mistake
towns
show examples
 or famous places and these historical sites offer
tourist
Fix the agreement mistake
tourists
show examples
 opportunities to immerse themselves. It can help
people
Use synonyms
 know lots of multicultural history and more diverse of life in
difference
Replace the word
different
show examples
countries
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
,
you
Correct word choice
if you
show examples
 have a trip to the ancient Egyptians in Africa, you can know the place which was places to bury the Kings and the Queen.
On the other hand
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, spending on going abroad is wasteful. Many social media platforms
such
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 as Google,
Facebook
Correct word choice
and Facebook
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provides
Correct subject-verb agreement
provide
show examples
 a vast amount of information about
difference
Replace the word
different
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countries
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 trend will
be make
Change the verb form
make
show examples
 global tourism pointless,
boring
Correct word choice
and boring
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 since all places are becoming identical and
tourist
Fix the agreement mistake
tourists
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 will not
interest
Wrong verb form
interested
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 in going abroad.
For example
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, many
youngster
Fix the agreement mistake
youngsters
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 spending on
other thing
Change the wording
another thing
other things
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as their study or their work than
people
Use synonyms
 who want to travel abroad. In conclusion, travelling abroad has a both positive and negative impact on their life. It depends on their experiences.
This
Linking Words
 essay has
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
shown the advantages of travelling abroad outweigh the drawbacks.

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coherence cohesion
To improve logical structure, ensure ideas are organized in a logical manner from one paragraph to another. For instance, instead of switching suddenly from advantages to disadvantages, use clear transition sentences.
task achievement
Clarify and expand on the ideas presented. For example, give more detailed explanations on why certain experiences are beneficial or disadvantages are more significant.
task achievement
Use specific examples to illustrate each point more vividly. For example, rather than just mentioning ‘ancient Egyptians in Africa,’ describe what tourists might do or see there and why it is significant.
task achievement
The writer has made a good attempt at addressing both advantages and disadvantages of the topic, showing a balanced viewpoint.
coherence cohesion
There is a clear conclusion that reinforces the writer's beliefs, making the argument more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
The introductory paragraph sets the stage for the essay, clearly stating the argument that will be developed.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • globalization
  • interconnectedness
  • cultural homogenization
  • multinational companies
  • retail chains
  • uniformity
  • modern urban planning
  • public transport systems
  • tourism
  • international tourists
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