In the past, people used to travel abroad to look for many differences from their home country. Nowadays, cities throughout the world are becoming more and more similar. What are the reason? Do the advantages outweigh the disavantages
It is argued that in the past many
people
used to go abroad to find many differences from their home country. Others think that cities around the world have an increasing number of the
similar. Correct article usage
apply
This
writer believes that the benefits of travelling abroad outweigh the drawbacks.
One of the most beneficial aspects of going abroad is the memorable experience. Many countries
have lots of tourist attractions or local foods can
be attracted by Correct pronoun usage
that can
visitor
. Fix the agreement mistake
visitors
Besides
, friendly
environment can make a strong Correct article usage
a friendly
impress
on their feelings. Replace the word
impression
For instance
, according to
foreign people
, Vietnam has the
great environment Correct article usage
a
that
why Correct pronoun usage
apply
make
they Verb problem
apply
will
back there if they plan a trip.
Another significant advantage of travelling abroad is spread on wide range of knowledge. Some Verb problem
go
countries
have ancient town
or famous places and these historical sites offer Fix the agreement mistake
towns
tourist
opportunities to immerse themselves. It can help Fix the agreement mistake
tourists
people
know lots of multicultural history and more diverse of life in difference
Replace the word
different
countries
. For example
, you
have a trip to the ancient Egyptians in Africa, you can know the place which was places to bury the Kings and the Queen.
Correct word choice
if you
On the other hand
, spending on going abroad is wasteful. Many social media platforms such
as Google, Facebook
Correct word choice
and Facebook
provides
a vast amount of information about Correct subject-verb agreement
provide
difference
Replace the word
different
countries
. This
trend will be make
global tourism pointless, Change the verb form
make
boring
since all places are becoming identical and Correct word choice
and boring
tourist
will not Fix the agreement mistake
tourists
interest
in going abroad. Wrong verb form
interested
For example
, many youngster
spending on Fix the agreement mistake
youngsters
other thing
Change the wording
another thing
other things
such
as their study or their work than people
who want to travel abroad.
In conclusion, travelling abroad has a both positive and negative impact on their life. It depends on their experiences. This
essay has been
shown the advantages of travelling abroad outweigh the drawbacks.Unnecessary verb
apply
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coherence cohesion
To improve logical structure, ensure ideas are organized in a logical manner from one paragraph to another. For instance, instead of switching suddenly from advantages to disadvantages, use clear transition sentences.
task achievement
Clarify and expand on the ideas presented. For example, give more detailed explanations on why certain experiences are beneficial or disadvantages are more significant.
task achievement
Use specific examples to illustrate each point more vividly. For example, rather than just mentioning ‘ancient Egyptians in Africa,’ describe what tourists might do or see there and why it is significant.
task achievement
The writer has made a good attempt at addressing both advantages and disadvantages of the topic, showing a balanced viewpoint.
coherence cohesion
There is a clear conclusion that reinforces the writer's beliefs, making the argument more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
The introductory paragraph sets the stage for the essay, clearly stating the argument that will be developed.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?