IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

You have recently started work in a new company. Write a letter to an English-speaking friend. In your letter explain why you changed jobs describe your new job tell him/her your other news.

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Dear Harry, I hope you're doing well. I'm writing
this
Linking Words
 letter to share a very exciting thing
:
Punctuation problem
:
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 I got a new job. As you know, I was working as a part-time in a fast food chain
while
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 studying. But after graduating from university, I was looking for a job in my field. Recently, I got a job as a data analyst in a big company.With the help of
this
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, I can manage my expenses as it pays
high
Correct article usage
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 wage. Now, I'm working as an analyst and managing all reports, databases and presentations of all new projects. I really enjoy applying the things that I learn in the classroom to the real world. I make reports about budget, profits, losses, and all up downs that come in the project. One more thing , I
also
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 met our old friend Garry there , and he has been working from
last
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 year. He is
also
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 working in the same field. I
also
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 make some new friends , and the office work environment is positive.So, I enjoy working and
also
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 learning new things. Bye and see you soon Your lovingly, Preet

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task response
Explain the job change more fully. Say why the old job was not right after school and why this new work is a good next step.
task response
Add more clear facts about the new job, such as your main tasks, team, hours, or what you like most.
task response
The other news about Garry and new friends is good. You could also ask Harry about his news to make the letter feel more personal.
coherence and cohesion
Your letter has a clear order: reason for change, new job, then other news. Keep this order.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer links between ideas, such as “Also”, “Because of this”, and “As a result”.
coherence and cohesion
Check spaces after full stops and commas. For example, write “company. With” and “thing, I also”.
coherence and cohesion
Use a more natural ending, such as “Best wishes” or “Take care”, instead of “Your lovingly”.
task response
You answer all three parts of the letter: why you changed jobs, what your new job is like, and your other news.
task response
The details about reports, budgets, profits, and losses give a clear picture of your work.
coherence and cohesion
Each main point has its own paragraph, so the letter is easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
The friendly greeting and simple, personal style fit a letter to a friend.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • career opportunities
  • job satisfaction
  • work environment
  • responsibilities
  • role
  • team dynamics
  • company culture
  • professional growth
  • transition
  • colleagues
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