IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that television programmes are of no real value for children. How far do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Many are of the opinion that television shows have no benefit for the
children
Use synonyms
. In as much as some of these programs are not age appropriate and
also
Linking Words
 kids can easily be distracted by constantly watching them, if well supervised can contribute positively to the mental growth and moral values of these pupils.
Hence
Linking Words
, I partially agree
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
this
Linking Words
 view. I will discuss my notion extensively in
this
Linking Words
 essay.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the main advantage
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 seeing age-appropriate TV programs is the moral lessons they inculcate
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 viewers.
That is
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
 who are in formative ages can easily imbibe the lessons for the audience and viewers.
For instance
Linking Words
, I watched "
super story
Correct your spelling
Super Story
show examples
 ", a TV show organized by
NTA
Correct article usage
the NTA
show examples
 broadcast station in my country, Nigeria. I acquired a lot of knowledge from
Correct article usage
a couples
show examples
couples
Fix the agreement mistake
couple
show examples
 of series at
such
Linking Words
young
Correct article usage
a young
show examples
 age.
Such
Linking Words
 dramas include; "
never trust easily
Correct your spelling
Never Trust Easily
show examples
" which
thought
Verb problem
taught
show examples
 me to trust humans with caution,
"Nichole
Correct word choice
and "Nichole
show examples
study
Capitalize word
Study
show examples
" which
thought
Verb problem
taught
show examples
 me effective ways to study and assimilate with no difficulties. Others not mentioned had lots of lessons which can help groom a child morally
as well as
Linking Words
 proffer general life knowledge.
However
Linking Words
, it is irrefutable that there are possible drawbacks to constantly seeing these movies, especially if not recommended for
school age
Add a hyphen
school-age
show examples
 kids. The main drawback is the distraction for students. To buttress
this
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
 can be on
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
television all day and forget the need for other activities.
For example
Linking Words
, a child on a cartoon from morning until evening and still keen to continue, whilst when cautioned to stop,
cry
Correct subject-verb agreement
cries
show examples
 loudly. More often than not, they refuse
taking
Change the verb form
to take
show examples
 their meals in between, so as not to miss any scene from the show.
Such
Linking Words
distracting
Correct article usage
a distracting
show examples
 habit is not encouraging for a growing child.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, it can be monitored. In conclusion, TV series have more benefits to growing
children
Use synonyms
 as
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
fosters
Correct subject-verb agreement
foster
show examples
 their morals and
kowledge
Correct your spelling
knowledge
. If placed under close check, the drawbacks can be effectively curtailed.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Introduction Improvement
To achieve a higher score, ensure your introduction clearly outlines your position and briefly states the points you will discuss. The current introduction partly does this but can be more straightforward in its approach.
Linking Words
For better coherence, use linking words and phrases more effectively to connect your ideas. Phrases like 'Furthermore', 'In contrast', and 'On the other hand' can help guide the reader.
Expand Examples
Expand your supporting points with more specific and detailed examples. This not only strengthens your argument but also demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic.
Structure
The essay has a logical structure with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion that follows a cohesive progression of ideas.
Relevant Examples
You provide relevant examples like 'Super Story' and specific episodes to support your argument, which makes your essay more engaging and relatable.
Conclusion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and reiterates your stance, bringing the essay to a concise close.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: