Many modern children spend a lot of time sitting in front of a television or computer screen. This is extremely harmful to their development. Therefore, parents should strictly limit the tiem that children spend in this way. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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In today's modern era, a lot of juveniles use technology gadgets for a long hour. It is true that children's development is harmed by

this

action.

Hence

, the adults must control the

time

spent on

this

activity by their little ones. I totally agree with

this

statement

due to

the fact that

youngsters

are not able to

develope

Correct your spelling

develop

fully in their health and lack of social skills.

It is clear that

staying

focus

Wrong verb form

focused

show examples

for a long

time

on electrical devices affects badly to

childrens' body

Change noun form

children's bodies badly

show examples

This

is because the green light

comes

Correct pronoun usage

that comes

show examples

from

monitor

Add an article

the monitor

a monitor

show examples

can make their vision

impared

Correct your spelling

impaired

and it

also

cause

Change the verb form

causes

show examples

headache

Fix the agreement mistake

headaches

show examples

As a result

, the

youngsters

who often spend long hours on devices

had

Change preposition

with had

show examples

green light seem to suffer from mental illness.

Moreover

, physical development is

Correct article usage

a concerned

show examples

concerned

Replace the word

concern

show examples

because of

lack

Correct article usage

the lack

show examples

of agility from juveniles.

For instance

, game-addicted boys

are observed

Change the verb form

have observed

show examples

á less stamina than

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

normal

one

Correct pronoun usage

ones

show examples

and their abilities

in doing

Change preposition

to do

show examples

practical things are

also

limited.

Besides

, lack of social skills must

also

be considered.

This

consequence happens because

youngsters

just only communicate with their online friends and do not pay attention to things taking place surrounding them.

Hence

, they cannot have suitable behaviour with social issues.

In addition

, soft skills are not able to be alleviated through spending

time

on the internet. In order to do that, juveniles must live in real life, reduce the

time

used for technology gadgets and take care

for

Change preposition

show examples

surrounding activities.

To conclude

, sitting in front of smart devices

Change preposition

for

show examples

a long

time

period can cause both physical and mental illnesses.

Furthermore

youngsters

would suffer from less knowledge about society if they paid too much attention to technology goods.

Submitted by [email protected] on Mon Jun 10 2024

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language

Work on improving sentence structure and grammar to enhance clarity.

task achievement

Ensure that examples are clearly relevant to the points being made.

general

Good introduction and conclusion, both present and summing up your views effectively.

task achievement

Clear main points regarding the physical and social effects of excessive screen time.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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12Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
18Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

279 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Many modern children spend a lot of time sitting in front of a television or computer screen. This is extremely harmful to their development. Therefore, parents should strictly limit the tiem that children spend in this way. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Now-a-days many people choose to be self-employed, rather than work for a company. What could be the advantages and disadvantages of being self-employed?

In the modern world. it is no longer neccesary to use animals as food and in other products like clothing and medicines. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

In many countries children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibility. What are your opinions on this?

In many countries governments are investing in new technology to deal with the public. Why is this happening ? Do you think this is an appropriate use of governments money?

An increasing number of doctors and professors are leaving their poorer countries to work in developed countries. What problems does it cause and what are the solutions.