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Writing Samples
Band 5

Many modern children spend a lot of time sitting in front of a television or computer screen. This is extremely harmful to their development. Therefore, parents should strictly limit the tiem that children spend in this way. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#children #time #front #television #computer #screen #development #parents #limit #tiem
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In today's modern era, a lot of juveniles use technology gadgets for a long hour. It is true that children's development is harmed by
this
 action.
Hence
, the adults must control the
time
 spent on
this
 activity by their little ones. I totally agree with
this
 statement
due to
 the fact that
youngsters
 are not able to
develope
Correct your spelling
develop
 fully in their health and lack of social skills.
It is clear that
 staying
focus
Wrong verb form
focused
show examples
 for a long
time
 on electrical devices affects badly to
childrens' body
Change noun form
children's bodies badly
show examples
.
This
 is because the green light
comes
Correct pronoun usage
that comes
show examples
 from
monitor
Add an article
the monitor
a monitor
show examples
 can make their vision
impared
Correct your spelling
impaired
 and it
also
cause
Change the verb form
causes
show examples
headache
Fix the agreement mistake
headaches
show examples
.
As a result
, the
youngsters
 who often spend long hours on devices
had
Change preposition
with had
show examples
 green light seem to suffer from mental illness.
Moreover
, physical development is
Correct article usage
a concerned
show examples
concerned
Replace the word
concern
show examples
 because of
lack
Correct article usage
the lack
show examples
 of agility from juveniles.
For instance
, game-addicted boys
are observed
Change the verb form
have observed
show examples
 á less stamina than
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
normal
one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
show examples
 and their abilities
in doing
Change preposition
to do
show examples
 practical things are
also
 limited.
Besides
, lack of social skills must
also
 be considered.
This
 consequence happens because
youngsters
 just only communicate with their online friends and do not pay attention to things taking place surrounding them.
Hence
, they cannot have suitable behaviour with social issues.
In addition
, soft skills are not able to be alleviated through spending
time
 on the internet. In order to do that, juveniles must live in real life, reduce the
time
 used for technology gadgets and take care
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 surrounding activities.
To conclude
, sitting in front of smart devices
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 a long
time
 period can cause both physical and mental illnesses.
Furthermore
,
youngsters
 would suffer from less knowledge about society if they paid too much attention to technology goods.
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language
Work on improving sentence structure and grammar to enhance clarity.
task achievement
Ensure that examples are clearly relevant to the points being made.
general
Good introduction and conclusion, both present and summing up your views effectively.
task achievement
Clear main points regarding the physical and social effects of excessive screen time.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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