Many modern children spend a lot of time sitting in front of a television or computer screen. This is extremely harmful to their development. Therefore, parent shoul strictly limit the time that children spend in this way. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
In today digital's age, more and more
children
stay in full-time
sitting in front of the screen
of modern technology such
as TV or computer. This
thing cause
serious damage to their growth. Critics argue that the solution to Change the verb form
causes
solve
Verb problem
apply
this
problem
is managing the limited time
for children
by their parents
. This
author agrees with the latter viewpoint that parents
should take action on spending screen
time
of
Change preposition
on
children
so as to contribute to preventing shortsighted issue
and the enhancement of their maturity.
It is vital to understand that limiting the Fix the agreement mistake
issues
time
on spending screen
time
of
Change preposition
with
children
can prevent them from shortsighted
Add a missing verb
having shortsighted
problem
. Fix the agreement mistake
problems
This
means if parent
control the Fix the agreement mistake
parents
time
children
sitting
in front of Wrong verb form
sit
Correct article usage
the sceen
sceen
, they will not get Correct your spelling
screen
screens
scene
sveral
illnesses Correct your spelling
several
about
their eyes including shortsighted. Change preposition
in
For instance
, more and more children
have worn glasses since they were at least 6 years old due to
the affect
of a TV and computer Replace the word
effect
screen
. Thus
, parents
should be encouraged to manage the time
childrenon
the Correct your spelling
children on
children
screen
contributing to handle
them Change the verb form
handling
form
shortsighted Correct your spelling
from
problem
.
Another key component of the case for limiting the Fix the agreement mistake
problems
time
is improving their gowth
. It should be self-evidence that Correct your spelling
growth
this
includes not only preventing shortsighted problem
but Fix the agreement mistake
problems
also
improving children
's development such
as their brain and their physical health. In this
situation, children
will be in
the peak of Change preposition
at
condition
and develop in the most effective way. Correct pronoun usage
their condition
Therefore
, it is easy to understand why parents
should manage the time
for children
's screen
time
efficiently.
In conclusion, paying attention to children
spending their time
on screen
is extremely essential in their growth and staying away in
shortsighted. Change preposition
from
Therefore
, it should be
have been demonstrated that Unnecessary verb
apply
parents
should be encouraged to control the tim
on the Correct your spelling
time
screen
time
of children
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grammar
Work on grammatical accuracy. There are several grammatical mistakes throughout the essay, such as "In today digital's age" which should be "In today's digital age" or "growth" instead of "condition."
clarity
The thesis statement needs to be clearer. For example, instead of saying "This author agrees with the latter viewpoint..." which makes it unclear whether the viewpoint supports or opposes, you could say "I agree with the viewpoint that parents should limit children's screen time."
examples
Support your main points with more specific and varied examples. The essay tends to repeat the same point about shortsightedness without going into other harms of excessive screen time.
organization
The essay is structured with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, which helps in maintaining a logical flow.
effort
You have made a clear attempt to address the prompt and provide reasons for your opinions.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?