Some believe that celebrities' support of international aid organizations draws attention to problems, while others think that celebrities make problems less important. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.
Some people argue that famous people are able to bring additional support by attracting
the
public attention to Correct article usage
apply
charity
activities, while
others consider that stars' involvement devalues the meaning of the event
. I believe that although
some celebrities
do have not the best morals and reputation, the wide spreading of information about humanitarian aid is much more important for raising funds and attracting worldwide support.
On the one hand, some celebrities
are well known for their provoking behaviour, taking illegal substances and drugs, which can negatively affect the event
they are attending and sharing on their social media. For instance
, Russian social media influencer Olga Buzova organized a naked celebrity party which resulted in her losing contracts with famous food producers and a ban to participate in their charity
event
in Moscow.
On the other hand
, many celebrities
have a huge audience which can be targeted for humanitarian reasons. Influencers with millions of subscribers are able to deliver important messages to their fans and attract their attention to crucial issues such
as water pollution, rubbish segregation, and sustainability. For example
, Leonardo DiCaprio constantly posts messages related to the protection of sharks and wheels which assist in collecting money and human resources for this
great purpose.
In conclusion, although
some popular people might have a negative effect on the image of a charity
organisation or event
, I believe that their popularity and opportunity to distribute important information overweight any downsides. Therefore
, celebrities
should be welcomed in bringing additional attention to charity
activities and fund raisings
.Correct your spelling
fundraisings
Submitted by lea12nz on
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task achievement
Your essay does a good job of addressing both sides of the argument. However, the introduction and conclusion could be more compelling by presenting a more nuanced viewpoint. Start your introduction with a general statement and then narrow it down to your thesis. In the conclusion, briefly summarize your points and leave readers with a final thought to consider.
coherence cohesion
Work on providing a smoother flow between sentences and paragraphs. Consider using more transitional phrases and cohesive devices. This would help in making the essay more integrated and easier to follow.
coherence cohesion
Although your essay is well-structured, it could benefit from varying sentence structures and lengths to make it more engaging. Use complex sentences and a mix of short and long sentences to enhance readability.
task achievement
Your essay effectively uses relevant and specific examples to support your points. This makes your arguments convincing and relatable.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are well-presented and effectively frame the essay, reinforcing your key arguments.
coherence cohesion
The main points of your essay are clearly supported with evidence, making your argument both logical and compelling.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.