IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

With the growing number of populations in cities. Many people are living in small home that don’t have outdoor spaces. Is this a positive or negative development?

#populations #cities #people #home #don’t #spaces #development
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Regarding the fact of overpopulation in developed cities, land for outdoor activities in small residential
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
 is being cut.
This
 can be a negative alteration for
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society because
people
 have to cope with the lack of
relaxing
Correct article usage
a relaxing
show examples
 atmosphere in their homes. The most obvious thing we could observe from
this
 happening is the demotion in the relaxation.
This
 is derived from the lack of space, privacy and security for owners.
As a result
, a place, which is known as the most suitable way to reduce stress, is
then
 repurposed to become more public. Vietnam is a perfect example
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
this
 statement
in
Change preposition
apply
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which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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people
 have moved to Ho Chi Minh
city
Capitalize word
City
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 to take advantage of the increasing economic development,
as a consequence
, the overpopulation is undeniable and has led to a decrease in the places for residents so more and more
people
 suffering from the relentless discouragement in their mental health. Another point
should
Correct pronoun usage
that should
show examples
 be considered is the connection of individuals in these closed areas. It is undeniable that if they spend more time together, they will be more hospitable.
Consequently
, they will be more familiar with cooperation which will help them to improve their abilities.
Hence
, making these citizens able to become potential workers.
Furthermore
, there will be an increase in the proportion of crimes
as a consequence
 of closer houses.
This
 is because they
are created
Wrong verb form
create
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 possibilities for criminals to commit a crime as their houses are close to their victims so they can do it easily.
Therefore
, the
criminals
Replace the word
crime
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 rate will increase leading to negative
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
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 of inhabitants. Taking everything into account, it can be observed that
people
 cannot live together in order to prevent the drawbacks relating to crimes and mental health.
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task achievement
Your essay needs clearer and more precise ideas in response to the prompt. While you addressed the question, your arguments felt slightly repetitive and unfocused at times.
task achievement
Ensure that you develop your ideas more clearly and comprehensively. Provide specific examples and explanations to back up each point.
coherence and cohesion
Try to improve the logical flow of your essay. Use linking words and phrases to create smoother transitions between points and paragraphs.
coherence and cohesion
Endeavor to present one main idea in each paragraph and support it thoroughly. Avoid jumping between multiple ideas in a single paragraph.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the task and covers key aspects of the prompt, discussing both the lack of relaxation and increased crime rates due to smaller homes.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clear, providing a good framework for your essay.
task achievement
You provided a specific example (Vietnam, Ho Chi Minh City) that helps to illustrate your point. Real-life examples make your argument more convincing.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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