With the growing number of populations in cities. Many people are living in small home that don’t have outdoor spaces. Is this a positive or negative development?
Regarding the fact of overpopulation in developed cities, land for outdoor activities in small residential
area
is being cut. Fix the agreement mistake
areas
This
can be a negative alteration for the
society because Correct article usage
apply
people
have to cope with the lack of relaxing
atmosphere in their homes.
The most obvious thing we could observe from Correct article usage
a relaxing
this
happening is the demotion in the relaxation. This
is derived from the lack of space, privacy and security for owners. As a result
, a place, which is known as the most suitable way to reduce stress, is then
repurposed to become more public. Vietnam is a perfect example for
Change preposition
of
this
statement in
Change preposition
apply
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
people
have moved to Ho Chi Minh city
to take advantage of the increasing economic development, Capitalize word
City
as a consequence
, the overpopulation is undeniable and has led to a decrease in the places for residents so more and more people
suffering from the relentless discouragement in their mental health.
Another point should
be considered is the connection of individuals in these closed areas. It is undeniable that if they spend more time together, they will be more hospitable. Correct pronoun usage
that should
Consequently
, they will be more familiar with cooperation which will help them to improve their abilities. Hence
, making these citizens able to become potential workers.
Furthermore
, there will be an increase in the proportion of crimes as a consequence
of closer houses. This
is because they are created
possibilities for criminals to commit a crime as their houses are close to their victims so they can do it easily. Wrong verb form
create
Therefore
, the criminals
rate will increase leading to negative Replace the word
crime
behaviors
of inhabitants.
Taking everything into account, it can be observed that Change the spelling
behaviours
people
cannot live together in order to prevent the drawbacks relating to crimes and mental health.Submitted by [email protected] on
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task achievement
Your essay needs clearer and more precise ideas in response to the prompt. While you addressed the question, your arguments felt slightly repetitive and unfocused at times.
task achievement
Ensure that you develop your ideas more clearly and comprehensively. Provide specific examples and explanations to back up each point.
coherence and cohesion
Try to improve the logical flow of your essay. Use linking words and phrases to create smoother transitions between points and paragraphs.
coherence and cohesion
Endeavor to present one main idea in each paragraph and support it thoroughly. Avoid jumping between multiple ideas in a single paragraph.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the task and covers key aspects of the prompt, discussing both the lack of relaxation and increased crime rates due to smaller homes.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clear, providing a good framework for your essay.
task achievement
You provided a specific example (Vietnam, Ho Chi Minh City) that helps to illustrate your point. Real-life examples make your argument more convincing.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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