For many people, the reason they work hard is to earn money. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Monetary incentives are the main hard-working purpose of many workers. The writer partly agrees with
this
statement due to
some other self-rewarding, social, and cultural factors.
It is true that almost all people
work
enthusiastically to earn salaries to afford their life
. A persuasive example is annually, thousands of immigrants from Africa or South America commute to European nations and the USA to Fix the agreement mistake
lives
looking
for well-paid jobs to deal with financial insecurities Wrong verb form
look
such
as bills or debts in their motherland. Moreover
, becoming more affluent means that people
can enjoy higher living standards, forming higher self-authenticity among
society. Change preposition
in
Therefore
, financial rewards can motivate people
more dedicated to their work
as those can foster a desire to enjoy a better life without anxiety about finance
stability.
Replace the word
financial
However
, there are several other factors contribute
to the diligence of workers. Correct pronoun usage
that contribute
Firstly
, many people
just simply work
as they find these tasks are the motivation and satisfaction of their life. Through solving problems at the workplace, laborers
can feel a sense of achievement and Change the spelling
labourers
meaningful
as they have done something productive, so Replace the word
meaning
this
can explain why some billionares
still show determination at Correct your spelling
billionaires
work
. Secondly
, workplace
is where Add an article
the workplace
people
can have time socialize
, Fix the infinitive
to socialize
work
in groups and share emotions, hence
, eliminating the feeling of isolation and forming a community. Finally
, some cultures highly regard the hard-working personality, for instance
, Japanese are really keen on working extra hours for promotion as well as
show
responsibility for taking care of old parents who Wrong verb form
showing
are
cannot make money anymore.
In conclusion, money can be a factor Unnecessary verb
apply
to determine
Change preposition
in determining
people
to work
hard but there are other reasons too. Hard-working can motivate and satisfy people
through productive tasks, fostering the
sense of Correct article usage
a
a
community and Correct article usage
apply
live
up to cultural traditions.Wrong verb form
living
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grammar
Be sure to proofread your essay to correct small grammatical errors, such as "to looking" instead of "looking" and "finance stability" instead of "financial stability."
coherence
Consider providing clearer topic sentences for each paragraph to improve the logical flow of ideas. This would make it easier for the reader to follow your argument.
cohesion
Use transitional phrases more frequently to guide the reader through your points. This will enhance the coherence of your essay.
content
The essay provides a balanced view by acknowledging both monetary and non-monetary motivations for hard work.
examples
Relevant examples, such as immigrants seeking well-paid jobs and the cultural aspect of hard work in Japan, effectively support your main points.
structure
The introduction and conclusion encapsulate the main arguments well, providing a coherent structure to the essay.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?