For many people, the reason they work hard is to earn money. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Monetary incentives are the main hard-working purpose of many workers. The writer partly agrees with
this
statement Linking Words
due to
some other self-rewarding, social, and cultural factors.
It is true that almost all Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
work
enthusiastically to earn salaries to afford their Use synonyms
life
. A persuasive example is annually, thousands of immigrants from Africa or South America commute to European nations and the USA to Fix the agreement mistake
lives
looking
for well-paid jobs to deal with financial insecurities Wrong verb form
look
such
as bills or debts in their motherland. Linking Words
Moreover
, becoming more affluent means that Linking Words
people
can enjoy higher living standards, forming higher self-authenticity Use synonyms
among
society. Change preposition
in
Therefore
, financial rewards can motivate Linking Words
people
more dedicated to their Use synonyms
work
as those can foster a desire to enjoy a better life without anxiety about Use synonyms
finance
stability.
Replace the word
financial
However
, there are several other factors Linking Words
contribute
to the diligence of workers. Correct pronoun usage
that contribute
Firstly
, many Linking Words
people
just simply Use synonyms
work
as they find these tasks are the motivation and satisfaction of their life. Through solving problems at the workplace, Use synonyms
laborers
can feel a sense of achievement and Change the spelling
labourers
meaningful
as they have done something productive, so Replace the word
meaning
this
can explain why some Linking Words
billionares
still show determination at Correct your spelling
billionaires
work
. Use synonyms
Secondly
, Linking Words
workplace
is where Add an article
the workplace
people
can have time Use synonyms
socialize
, Fix the infinitive
to socialize
work
in groups and share emotions, Use synonyms
hence
, eliminating the feeling of isolation and forming a community. Linking Words
Finally
, some cultures highly regard the hard-working personality, Linking Words
for instance
, Japanese are really keen on working extra hours for promotion Linking Words
as well as
Linking Words
show
responsibility for taking care of old parents who Wrong verb form
showing
are
cannot make money anymore.
In conclusion, money can be a factor Unnecessary verb
apply
to determine
Change preposition
in determining
people
to Use synonyms
work
hard but there are other reasons too. Hard-working can motivate and satisfy Use synonyms
people
through productive tasks, fostering Use synonyms
the
sense of Correct article usage
a
a
community and Correct article usage
apply
live
up to cultural traditions.Wrong verb form
living
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grammar
Be sure to proofread your essay to correct small grammatical errors, such as "to looking" instead of "looking" and "finance stability" instead of "financial stability."
coherence
Consider providing clearer topic sentences for each paragraph to improve the logical flow of ideas. This would make it easier for the reader to follow your argument.
cohesion
Use transitional phrases more frequently to guide the reader through your points. This will enhance the coherence of your essay.
content
The essay provides a balanced view by acknowledging both monetary and non-monetary motivations for hard work.
examples
Relevant examples, such as immigrants seeking well-paid jobs and the cultural aspect of hard work in Japan, effectively support your main points.
structure
The introduction and conclusion encapsulate the main arguments well, providing a coherent structure to the essay.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?