IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

With growing number of populations in cities. Many people are living in small homes that do not have outdoor spaces. Is this a positive or negative development?

#populations #cities #people #homes #spaces #development
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It is widely known that
due to
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 overpopulation in cities, a large number of
people
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 are now living in houses that do not have space for recreational activities. I contend that
this
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 is a totally negative development. The most prominent effect of
this
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 phenomenon is the uncomfortableness caused by living in
such
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 small spaces.
This
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 is because when living in these cramped environments,
people
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 will feel like they are trapped in a cell, preventing them from doing activities like their hobbies or going out with friends.
As a result
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,
people
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 will start to alienate themselves from the outside world, which will make their
life
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lives
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 more miserable, which can
then
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 lead to their mental health deteriorating.
For example
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, many
people
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 living in Hong Kong are now residents of
so called
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so-called
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 caged homes, which are rooms that are barely large enough to accommodate one person,
while
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 amenities
such
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 as bathrooms and kitchens are shared among the
people
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 living there, creating a living space so miserable that most
people
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 living in these accommodations often opt for suicide.
Furthermore
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, without open spaces for the construction of public places
such
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 as parks or squares, where
people
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 can gather to hold and participate in communal activities, the community will start to lose its value.
This
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 is caused by the fact that when
people
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 are not socializing with each other,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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individual citizens will not be able to identify themselves with the community.
Subsequently
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, whenever the local area is in a desperate time of need
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then
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the
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people
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 living there are unlikely to cooperate with each other to overcome the problem.
Therefore
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, the local community will stop existing as a whole, as its population will become fragmented and unable to unite when needed. In conclusion, I contend that the phenomenon of an increasing number of residents forced to live in cramped housing is an
unfavorable
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unfavourable
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 development
due to
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 it making the lives of individuals more uncomfortable and causing communities to fragment.
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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that all sentences in the paragraph support this main idea. This will enhance the overall cohesion of your essay.
task achievement
Add more specific examples or data to strengthen your arguments and make them more convincing.
introduction conclusion present
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps to frame your argument effectively.
relevant specific examples
You provide relevant and specific examples, such as mentioning the living conditions in Hong Kong, to support your points.
complete response
The essay addresses the task prompt effectively, discussing both individual and communal impacts of the issue.
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