Some people think that the best way to reduce crime is to give longer prison sentences. Others, however, believe there are better alternative ways of reducing crime. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Crimes are very often happening in every nation. So relevant authorities use various mitigation measures to reduce the crime rate,
however
, some are still arguing that they should implement a longer prison sentence. Meanwhile, others, including myself, think that reducing crimes needs a different approach than
this
. Both of these statements will be discussed in
this
essay, stating my own opinion in the final. Considering the first argument, the extended prison sentence will be reasonable, because the criminal's intention to do wrong deeds would fade away
due to
this
kind of severe punishment.
For example
, the fear of punishments significantly controlled the highest amount of traffic violations in China, after the government decided to increase their funding rate.
Similarly
, it would be applicable
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
all types of law violations.
Additionally
, criminals can not commit any crime within
this
period. As long as they have kept in distance from normal society, others in the community feel safe.
Therefore
, it has the potential to make a secure environment for normal citizens. The second argument is identifying alternative ways,
such
as rehabilitation and professional training. Usually, people intend to do inappropriate things because of their lack of understanding and knowledge. Most studies reveal that 60% of individuals in prisons have violated the law without any intention, primarily
due to
their emotional blindness, and unaware of its consequences.
This
proves that they are actually not bad persons, but they need
a
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apply
show examples
proper guidance and treatment to overcome their condition. Another thing is the professional training, that would serve in many ways to find a better living for these inhabitants. It had been already implemented in some countries like Germany,
for instance
, and after releasing from jail they tended to use those skills and knowledge that had acquired during their stay.
Likewise
, different approaches are there to establish the betterment of a secure society. In conclusion,
while
others agree with the statement that a longer prison sentence would be an ideal solution to mitigate crimes owe to the fear of it, I believe that implementing alternative ways,
such
as treatments and pieces of training, would serve normal people
as well as
punished ones.
As a result
, they
also
achieve good personality and professional skills, solving
this
problem.
Submitted by kavinduanupama20 on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay needs a clearer and more logical structure. Make sure each paragraph flows smoothly to the next. Use cohesive devices effectively.
coherence cohesion
Try to refine the introduction to be more compelling and succinct. Ensure the conclusion restates the main points clearly and provides a strong closing.
task achievement
While you made good points, some of them were not fully developed. Make sure to elaborate on each point and provide more detailed supporting information.
task achievement
Your examples are relevant but could be more specific and detailed. Providing concrete details can make your argument more compelling.
task achievement
You addressed both views and provided your own opinion, which is excellent. This shows you understood the task well.
task achievement
Your essay presents clear and comprehensive ideas that contribute to the discussion of the topic.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes your opinion and the key points discussed in the essay.
task achievement
You provided relevant examples to support your points, which strengthened your arguments.
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