IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Despite a large number of gyms, a sedentary lifestyle is gaining popularity in the contemporary world. What problems are associated with this? What solutions can you suggest?

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A sedentary
lifestyle
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 is one of the world’s biggest issues,causing a variety of illnesses which lead to
health
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 disease and there are some particular solutions to
address
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this
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 worldwide issue
such
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 as riding bikes. In terms of
problems
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 ,
firstly
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 ,
people
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 who have a sedentary
lifestyle
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 might gain weight.Weight gain is associated with higher rates of physical
health
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problems
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such
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 as cancer, heart disease and diabetes.
Secondly
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 , many of these
people
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 are overweight and unable to even move around, which increases the burden on the government to manage these disabilities.
Finally
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, being inactive can increase the risk of mental
health
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problems
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such
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 as depression, which can affect a person's life expectancy. Turning to solutions, we can take several proactive steps to
address
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this
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 problem. Using advertising and discounts to attract more
people
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 to gyms and classes.
Furthermore
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, informing and educating about the harmful effects of
this
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lifestyle
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 should start from a young age. It would
also
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 be beneficial to introduce some government schemes
such
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 as using bicycles and walking
instead
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 of driving.
For example
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, the public bicycle scheme in Uzbekistan has attracted many
people
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 to cycling every day and has reduced sedentary habits there. In conclusion, choosing an inactive
lifestyle
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 can lead to many irreversible
problems
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,
such
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 as physical and mental
health
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problems
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,
as well as
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 putting additional pressure on governments, so it is important to implement reforms and interventions early to
address
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 these
problems
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. To
address
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 these challenges, I proposed practical solutions that encourage regular physical activity and holistic well-being, highlighting the need for collective efforts to foster a more active society.

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task achievement
Consider expanding on the solutions section with more specific strategies that individuals and communities can implement to combat a sedentary lifestyle. Providing a broader range of solutions would enhance the essay's depth.
coherence cohesion
Ensure transitions between paragraphs are clear and smooth to enhance readability and logical flow. A stronger linkage between the problems and solutions sections will enrich coherence.
task achievement
The essay provides a clear and complete response to the task, covering both the problems associated with a sedentary lifestyle and potential solutions.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-presented, effectively framing the essay while reinforcing the central thesis.
task achievement
Examples, such as the public bicycle scheme in Uzbekistan, are relevant and specific, enhancing the argument and providing concrete support for the solutions discussed.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • physical inactivity
  • health problems
  • weight gain
  • obesity
  • energy levels
  • chronic illnesses
  • mental health
  • productivity
  • focus
  • social isolation
  • exercise
  • physical fitness
  • active lifestyle
  • health benefits
  • physical health
  • mental well-being
  • leisure activities
  • regular physical activity
  • physical exercise
  • cardiovascular health
  • strength training
  • flexibility
  • endurance
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