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Writing Samples
Band 6

The charts illustrate the number of people who were affected by four types of noise pollution in day and night in cities and rural areas in 2007.

The charts illustrate the number of people who were affected by four types of noise pollution in day and night in cities and rural areas in 2007.
#people #four #noise #pollution #night #cities #areas
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The bar chart illustrates
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
information about people who affected the
noise
Use synonyms
pollution
Use synonyms
through
Change preposition
of
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 four kinds
Linking Words
such
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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as
Change preposition
apply
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Traffic, Train, Aircraft and Industry
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
day
Use synonyms
 and
night
Use synonyms
 in urban and
Use synonyms
countryside
Correct article usage
the countryside
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 in 2007.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can seen that people
affected
Add a missing verb
are affected
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 more where
cities
Use synonyms
 than rural areas in
given
Correct article usage
the given
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 four types of
noise
Use synonyms
 and the
countryside
Use synonyms
 has zero
noise
Use synonyms
pollution
Use synonyms
. In detail,
Use synonyms
day
Correct your spelling
daytime
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 has more
pollution
Use synonyms
 than
Use synonyms
night
Correct your spelling
nighttime
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 in the given two places. Traffic in
Use synonyms
day
Add an article
the day
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 in
cities
Use synonyms
 accounted
two
Change preposition
for two
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 third
while
Linking Words
Use synonyms
Change preposition
at night
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night
Correct your spelling
nighttime
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time
Use synonyms
 has around 48 but in the
Use synonyms
countryside
Add a comma
countryside,
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 it has around 35 in the
Use synonyms
day
Correct your spelling
daytime
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time
Use synonyms
 and 25 in the dark
time
Use synonyms
 respectively. Train
noise
Use synonyms
pollution
Use synonyms
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
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in the
day
Use synonyms
time
Use synonyms
 is around 10 meanwhile 8 in the
night
Use synonyms
time
Use synonyms
 in urban places but
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
countryside
Use synonyms
 it
has
Verb problem
is
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 around 8 in the daytime and 6 in the
night
Use synonyms
time
Use synonyms
. Aircraft
noise
Use synonyms
pollution
Use synonyms
 has the least trouble in
Use synonyms
day
Add an article
the day
a day
show examples
 and the nighttime in
cities
Use synonyms
 have around 3 and 2 respectively.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the
countryside
Use synonyms
 has more aircraft
pollution
Use synonyms
 in the nighttime than
cities
Use synonyms
 which is 3 and 2 respectively.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, surprisingly, industrial
pollution
Use synonyms
 has zero in the
countryside
Use synonyms
 but the
cities
Use synonyms
 only have
day
Use synonyms
time
Use synonyms
 which is 1.
Submitted by reanudeepan on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words noise, pollution, day, night, countryside, cities, time with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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