IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Many working people get little or no exercise either during the working day or in their free time, and have health problems as a result.

#people #exercise #time #health
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In today’s
word
Correct your spelling
world
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, health is an essential aspect for everyone, especially for
who
Correct pronoun usage
those who
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 are working in offices and factories. People are busy with their
work
 in the competitive world and tend to ignore
the
Correct article usage
apply
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healthy lifestyle habits. One of the main reasons for the lack of exercise in the life of workers is the busy schedule. It is because of expensive livelihood. People take extra working hours to maintain their financial stability.
As a result
, they do not have enough time for physical exercises.
For instance
, many students who take loans for their studies are in the situation to pay back the amount
be
Correct your spelling
by
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 doing
part time
Add a hyphen
part-time
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work
 or additional jobs.
Moreover
, individuals are mostly dependent on technology for their daily activities
such
 as laundry machines, cars and more. First humans need to understand the importance of physical training. A solution is for the government to increase outdoor activities and an active lifestyle
of
Change preposition
in
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 society.
Moreover
, individuals should prioritize their health over making money
jobs
Change preposition
in jobs
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. Their daily routine must have a little time for exercise. For illustration, in my friend’s
office
Add a comma
office,
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 they have special space for physical activities during
work
 hours. In conclusion, working people do not get enough exercise because of the long
work
 hours and hectic lifestyle.
Submitted by rohilaimronshoeva1 on

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introduction conclusion
The introduction should be clearer and more concise. Make sure to define the issue and state your thesis more explicitly.
logical structure
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that it logically connects to the previous and following paragraphs. Use more transition words to improve the flow of the essay.
supported main points
Your main points are valid but need further development and support. Try to include more specific examples and elaborate on how the solutions would be implemented and their potential impact.
clear comprehensive ideas
Your ideas are generally clear but could be expanded upon for better comprehension. Each point should be examined in a little more detail to ensure a thorough response to the task.
complete response
You have understood the task and responded to it, addressing both the causes of the lack of exercise and potential solutions.
introduction conclusion
You included a proper introduction and conclusion that frame the essay well.
relevant specific examples
The use of examples, like the one about students taking loans and needing to work additional jobs, reinforces your points effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Time constraints
  • Sedentary lifestyle
  • Passive leisure activities
  • Workplace wellness programs
  • Active commuting
  • Subsidized
  • Public awareness
  • Health benefits
  • Incentivizing
  • Accessible public spaces
What to do next:
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